


Room To Grow

by StormyBear30



Series: The Can't Help Who You Love Series [2]
Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-22
Updated: 2011-03-22
Packaged: 2017-10-17 05:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The next installment of the “Can’t help who you love” series. Its five years into the future and Tomo’s ready for some changes, but Shannon seems to be fighting him at every corner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Room To Grow

Shannon knew something was up the moment that he entered the home that he shared with his lover for the previous five years by the delicious smells that surrounded him. “Fuck…” He cursed under his breath as he racked his brain trying to recall what special occasion he had forgotten about. “Tomo…” He called out when he could come up with nothing.

“Hey…” He heard Tomo reply, his breath catching in his throat as he entered the hallway dressed in a nice pair of dress slacks and a button down shirt. “Man…I missed you” His smile lit up his face as he leaned in and kissed Shannon quickly before turning back around and heading back into the kitchen. “Go take a shower and get changed” He hollered over his shoulder before he disappeared completely.

“We having company or something?” Shannon asked as he walked into the kitchen and took in the controlled chaos going on there.

“Nope…just the two of us” Tomo replied, his back to him as he checked something in the oven. “Just thought that it would be nice to have a nice dinner just the two of us. Go on…shoo” He smiled as he turned to face Shannon once again. “Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes” He said with another kiss before turning back to his cooking.

“Ok…” Shannon forced a smile as he walked down the hallway and into the bedroom he shared with his Tomo. Sitting on the bed he once again racked his brain for anything that would give answer to the fancy dinner between the two of them and a glow about Tomo that he hadn’t seen in a long time. His confusion grew as he showered, changed and it continued to bother him once the dinner was served. Tomo pretended like everything was normal, talking about his day, the work on the bands upcoming new album and every other thing that Shannon at that point in time had no interest in. “Tomo…” He cut the man off mid-sentence when he could take no more. “Not that I am complaining about the wonderful dinner…but what the fuck?” He knew he sounded crass but his nerves were on edge and at the beautiful smile he received in reply he knew they were going to be stretched thin by the end of the evening.

“Well…” Tomo began as he pushed himself away from the table and walked over towards Shannon, squeezing into his lap before wrapping his arms around his neck. “I was going to save this talk for later…but I guess that right now is just as good as any” He smiled again, playing with the short hairs at the back of Shannon’s neck as he gazed down at him. “You know that I love you right?” He asked, continuing quickly at the look of alarm that crossed Shannon’s face. “You make me so happy Shannon and I am thankful everyday that we were able to get past all the shit in the past and share our lives. I love everything about our lives…our home…our time together…but…”

“But” Shannon stammered nervously.

“But I want more” Tomo replied, caressing the side of Shannon’s face with his hand. “I love being with you Shannon…but I think that it’s time for more”

“More…I don’t understand?” He asked, more confused then before.

“I want a baby” Tomo responded with a smile before crushing Shannon’s head to his chest.

“A baby…” Shannon sputtered as he pulled himself out of Tomo’s grasp. “Well the last time that I checked neither you nor I had the proper equipment to carry a baby” He laughed, regretting it immediately at the look Tomo sent his way. “Tomo…” He called out to his retreating lover as he walked across the room, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I knew you weren’t going to take this seriously Shannon” He pouted, refusing to look in Shannon’s direction because he knew if he did he was going to lose it.

“It’s just that you caught me by surprise” Shannon spoke softly as he pushed himself away from the table and made his way cautiously over towards Tomo. “You’ve never said anything about wanting a baby before and now out of the blue you want one”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now” Tomo finally admitted. “Ever since Libby had her baby it’s all I can think about”

“That was four years ago Tomo…you’ve been thinking about this for four entire years?” Shannon asked, stunned.

“Off and on…yes” He replied as he finally looked up at Shannon. “I want a family Shannon. I want to start our own family. I want to raise kids with you and turn old and gray as we watch them grow up before us. I see Matt…Libby and Mattie Junior and I see how happy they are and it makes me want more. I love you so much Shannon…just promise me that you will think about it before you make any decision"

Shannon found he didn’t have a chance to consider any decision at the way that Tomo lunged against his body, touching him and kissing him in ways that left no more to the imagination as to what was going to happen next. Confusion was his new best friend as Tomo led the two of them down the corridor and into the bedroom, but as Tomo fell to his knee’s, quickly springing free his cock he decided to forget his best friend and focus on the pleasure his lover was inflicting on his instead.

“He wants what?” Jared asked in confusion as he, Shannon and Matt sat in the studio a few days later waiting for Tomo to show up.

“He wants to have a baby” Shannon replied as he got up and began to pace before them, eventually sitting at his drum kit. “You should see all the pamphlets and brochures he has. He’s been thinking about this for a fucking long time…four fucking years can you believe that?” He asked the two, turning to face them. “This is all your fault…you and your fucking perfect family” He accused Matt with no real threat behind it as picked up his drum sticks and began to twirl them in the air for something to do.

“Trust me we are not so perfect…” Matt whispered more to himself, then the two of them, but Jared had heard him just the same as he turned and found the singer gazing at him. “I think its great Shannon” He ignored Jared eyes that begged of him to open up to him, getting up instead as he walked over towards the drummer. “Having a baby is a wonderful experience. There is nothing more wonderful and awe inspiring then watching your child grow before you very eyes. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the entire word”

“Don’t listen to our dreamer over here” Jared piped up from behind. “Having a kid means more responsibility and less time for yourself” He ignored the dirty look that Matt threw his way as he too stood before Shannon. “Don’t get yourself weighed down with something that you’re not ready for Bro. Once you have a kid your entire relationship with Tomo will change…are you ready for that kind of decision?”

“I think the question should be…what the fuck is my relationship with Tomo going to be like if I make the wrong one” All conversation of Tomo and the baby ceased as Tomo entered the studio, calling out apologies for being late before rushing over to Shannon and sharing a quick kiss with him. “So…what were we talking about?” He asked as he looked between the three of them.

“Nothing…” They all replied at the same time, each pulling their eyes away from the frowning man.

“Let’s get this show on the road” Jared bellowed, grabbing onto his guitar. “I had another stroke of brilliance last night and I want to share it with you.

“Tomo…” Shannon called out a few days later as he entered there home, his hands loaded down with several over loaded shopping bags. “Tomo…where the fuck are you?” He called out again when he didn’t receive an answer right away. “Oh…hey” He grinned sheepishly up at his lover as he entered the room with a confused look upon his face.

“What’s all this” He asked, taking in the shopping bags spread out on the floor and a boyfriend with a shit eating grin upon his face.

“Just stay there. I bought you something” His smiled widened as he disappeared behind the front door once again, returning a few moments later with a crate of sorts in his hands. “Here…” He handed the crate over to Tomo, smiling like the cat that ate the canary as Tomo looked from him to the crate with a look of pure confusion.

“What is it?” Tomo asked as something in the crate started to move around, soft whining sounds coming from it as well.

“It’s a dog” Shannon laughed as he lunged forward and took the crate from Tomo, falling to the floor before he reached in and pulled out the tiny bundle of fur. “Isn’t it the cutest thing you have ever seen? Some lady was selling them on the side of the street and with one look I knew that she would be perfect for our family” He smiled up at Tomo as he cuddled the tan and white puppy to his chest. “I figured that with all your talk of family that this would be easier to take care of then an actual baby” His smile widened only to disappear altogether at the face of anger he was receiving from Tomo.

“So let me get this straight…” Tomo bellowed loudly, frightening the puppy and Shannon at his harshness. “You thought that by buying this puppy that I would just forget about the fact that I want a baby? You really thought that a fucking fur ball would make me change my mind about something as important as expanding our family? You really fucking thought that Shannon?” His words got louder, his face distorted by anger and upset at the stupidity of his lover. “Get out…”

“What?” Shannon replied, crying out in surprise when Tomo snatched him up off the floor with such ease that he literally felt the floor disappear from under his feet for a mere moment.

“I said get out…get out…get the fuck out” His cried continued as he pushed a stunned and confused Shannon towards the door. “I can’t believe you Shannon. I can’t believe that you thought that this…” He pointed at the dog. “Was going to change anything. I want a baby Shannon. I want our lives to expand and grow…but it seems that you don’t want anything to do with that. I can’t be near you…can’t be around you right now so I am begging you to please just fucking go” Tears bled from his eyes as he grabbed the puppy from Shannon’s arms before he turned away from the man stunned before him, running into the bedroom before slamming the door loudly behind him.

 

“Boy you must have really pissed Tomo off” Matt whistled as he opened the door to his home and found a grime faced drummer before him. “I mean it must be really bad for you to call me for a place to stay instead of Jared”

“I went to Jared’s…he was too busy entertaining” Shannon ground out as he walked through the opened door, but not before noticing the look of hurt that crossed Matt’s face. “Sorry Mattie…” He apologized quickly.

“For what…Jared is a grown man who can do what he likes with his evening” He dead toned as he walked Shannon into the living room where Libby was sitting on the couch reading to their son.

“Uncle Shannon…” Matt Junior…also known as M.J. cried out as he raced off the couch and into his uncle’s arms. “What are you doing here Uncle Shannon?” He asked, hugging Shannon’s neck before wiggling to be put down. “Where’s Uncle Tomo?” He asked looking around, a full pout on his young face when he didn’t find who he was looking for. “He always calls or comes over to read to me before bed”

“What?” Shannon asked the child, stunned that he hadn’t known that bit of information, the phone ringing at that moment in time before M.J. had a chance to answer.

“It’s true…” Matt answered before Shannon had the chance to ask. “He’s been coming over or calling M.J. for at least the last year”

“God…I have completely fucked this up” He sighed heavily, falling onto a nearby couch as he avoided the death look he was receiving from Matt’s wife at his language.

“I think what you need is a couple of beers and then a nice talk with your good friend Mattie” Matt smiled down at his friend, patting him on the back as he walked into the kitchen to grab the first round of beer.

Shannon couldn’t hear much of the conversation between Tomo and M.J. over the bickering that seemed to be going on in the kitchen, but whatever it was it had the young one doubled over in giggles until Libby came back into the room, spoke a few words to Tomo before ushering her babbling child past Shannon. He couldn’t help but notice her look of contempt as she exited the room, but he just ignored it as Matt entered the room once again with two beers and a grime look upon his face. “Everything ok?” He asked, feeling bad for his friend. “I can just go and get a hotel room somewhere until I figure out how to fix this mess up”

“Nonsense…it’s all good” Matt lied as he sat down on the couch next to Shannon, taking a long swig from his beer. “So what did you do this time to piss him off?” He asked with a small smile that disappeared instantly at the tears glistening in his best friends eyes. “Shannon…what did you do?” He asked in concern and fright automatically thinking the worst when Shannon still hadn’t spoken. “You didn’t…cheat on him did you?” He stammered on the word, but having to know just the same.

“No…but I would have probably hurt him even less then if I had” Were his garbled words as he down the entire contents of the bottle, taking a deep breath once he was done. “You know how he’s been talking about wanting a baby?” He asked Matt, looking him dead in the eye as he continued. “Jesus…I don’t know what I was thinking” He jumped up off of the couch and began to pace back and forth. “I mean I was walking down the street and there she was and I had to buy her because I thought that maybe it would curb this insane idea about babies…but I was wrong Mattie…so wrong” He babbled on, grabbing Matt’s half empty beer off of the coffee table it had been placed on, downing it before Matt even had a chance to stop him.

“I’m afraid you’re not making any sense” Matt spoke up as he walked into the kitchen, grabbing two more beer before sitting back in his earlier place on the couch. “Slow the fuck down and tell me what you did”

“I bought a dog and brought it home. I told him that it would be easier to take care of a dog then a baby” Shannon fell onto the couch beside a quiet Matt, head in hands as he waited for his friend to speak.

“If Matt had done that to me those would be grounds for divorce” He heard instead the irritated voice of Matt’s wife. “How could you do that to Tomo? Jesus Christ Shannon…you thought you could exchange the love of a baby for the love of a dog? Are you really that stupid?”

“Libby…” Matt warned as he got up and walked over towards his wife. “You are not helping.

“Who was trying to help?” Libby responded snidely. “I am just stating fact”

“I have to go…sorry if I caused any trouble” Shannon cried out over the bickering that ensued as he rushed out of the door of the house, slamming it loudly behind him. He walked for hours through the crowded streets of L.A. trying to figure out just when his life became so completely out of control. He had no idea what to think about the fact that Tomo wanted to extend their family. On the one hand he felt as if Tomo felt he was missing something by just being with Shannon and on the other hand he knew that he was being a fucking baby and that Tomo was only alerting him to the fact that it was time to grow up. The problem was that he didn’t know if he was ready to grow up just yet. A baby would bring changes into their lives, changes that meant more responsibility, which once again meant that he would have to grow up. With a heavy hearted sigh he fell onto a nearby bench in the local park not to far from where Matt lived and took in the scenery around him.

“Hey…” He heard someone speak to him as he watched a man sit down next to him on the bench.

“Hey...” Shannon nodded with no real emotion, slinking away from the man in order to hide within his little cocoon of self pity.

“Excuse me for interrupting…but aren’t you Shannon Leto?” He heard the man ask, groaning inwardly at the idea of having to entertain a fan when he was so not in the mood. “We’ve actually met before” The man continued when Shannon didn’t respond. “We met at a party a few years ago when you were dating Dexter”

“You know Dexter?” Shannon asked, his interest peaked at the mention of his former boyfriend and that man he had planned to marry.

“We’ve been friends for years” The man replied with a sly smile, jutting his hand out towards Shannon. “I know you don’t remember me but my name is Frank Fredrick”

“Sorry…bad memory” Shannon smiled as he shook his hand, embarrassed that he had no idea who the man was.

“Was kind of a shitty thing that you did to him” He blurted out, causing Shannon to stare at him for a moment as if trying to realize he had heard what he had heard.

“Well…you don’t know anything” Shannon defended with a huff, preparing to leave the scene, but halting all action as he looked up and found his former lover walking right towards him.

“Shannon Leto…Oh my god I don’t believe it” Dexter cried out as he reached out to the man who had broken his heart several years before hand, pulling him into an awkward hug. “Jesus it’s been ages…how the hell are you?” He laughed, quickly releasing the body he used to love to hold and feel pressed up against him during another time and place. “You look…um…well” He lied, knowing that Shannon knew he was lying by the look on his face.

“I look like shit…you don’t have to lie Dex” Shannon smiled nervously as he sat back down on the bench, next to the man that he had been speaking to, taking in the full appearance of his former lover. “You on the other hand look fucking amazing” He replied truthfully, remembering happier days when he and Dexter had been in love and happy.

“Marriage and a family will do that to you” Dexter grinned as he sat between Shannon and the other man.

“Marriage and family?” Shannon repeated in awe, his heart sinking at the idea that Dexter had married someone else after their relationship had gone bad.

“Happily married for the last two years to one of the greatest men on the planet” He smiled even wider as he looked over and grinned at Shannon’s newest friend. “Frank was there for me when…well after you and I split up and it turned into something wonderful”

Shannon watched as Dexter took Frank’s hand into his own, kissing it gently before turning back to face him. “What about you Shannon? Are you and Tomo still together?” He asked, watching as Shannon’s face fell before he covered it up with a mask, something he remembered he always being good at.

“Four years now” Shannon said proudly and with a smile, but one that didn’t last very long as he locked his eyes upon his feet. “Maybe not making it to five” He spoke to his shoes, not knowing why he felt the need to tell Dexter his woes, but doing it just the same because he felt as if he were going to explode if he didn’t tell someone, anyone.

“Honey…why don’t you go and check on Henry” Dexter smiled lovingly at his partner. “I’m sure that he’s got most of the playground sand stuffed into his pockets again” The two men chuckled as Frank leaned in and kissed his lover before nodding at Shannon and taking his leave to find his mischievous son.

“I’m really happy for you Dex” Shannon smiled a real smile as he watched the one known as Frank walk over towards a cute little toddler playing in the sand as what appeared to be a nanny of sorts sat close by. “I always wondered what you were doing after we broke up…if you were ok…happy”

“I was down right miserable after you tore my heart out” Dexter spoke truthfully, lying his hand upon Shannon’s at the look of hurt that crossed his handsome face. “But then Frank and I got closer and now I have this amazing family and I’ve never been happier. But you…you’re anything but happy” Dexter surmised, always able to read Shannon like a book. “Want to tell me about it?” Shannon hesitated for about a half a second before spilling the entire truth to his former lovers. “Jesus Shannon…did you really think that by giving Tomo a dog that it would have curbed his urge…his need to start a family with you?” Dexter asked, surprised at just how stupid the man seemed to be.

“I don’t know what I was thinking” Shannon moaned miserably as he leaned forward and hid his face within his hands.

“Sure you do” Dexter spoke on. “You thought exactly that because you knew that if Tomo got his way and a baby was brought into the house that things would have to change…that you would have to grow up” Shannon thought about all the nasty retorts he could have come back with, but opted to keep them to himself since he knew that Dexter was right on the money with his remark. “I know that you love playing the rock star gig Shannon…but eventually you do have to grow up”

“I know…I know” Shannon groaned, pushing his face further into his hands in hopes that Dexter would just disappear because once again he did not want to think about how his life was about to change, that was if he allowed it to change. “I just don’t know what to do”

“You know what you have to do” Dexter spoke up, forcing Shannon to sit up and face him. “Shannon you love Tomo and you have for a very long time. It’s very simple. Either you grow the hell up and start a family with the man that you love or you probably lose him and end up alone and miserable. If it were me I’d choose the first one” He grinned before continuing. “Becoming a father was the best thing I ever did. Henry has changed my life in ways that I never thought possible…but you have no idea how I cherish and love every fucking minute of it”

“I’m not you Dex” Shannon whined, jumping back as the slap he received upon his cheek.

“No you’re not…your Shannon fucking Leto and the man that I used to know and love would never let anything get the best of him…not even a baby. But maybe that man is no more” He drawled on, hiding a smirk at the look of anger and life that began to appear upon his former lovers face. “Maybe that mans dead and gone” He pushed on a bit more knowing it was what had to be done.

“I’ll fucking show you who is dead and gone” Shannon roared as he jumped up off of the bench and began to walk back towards Matt’s place to pick up his car, running back to Dex as he pulled him into a hug before hand. “Thanks Dexter…you always knew how to push my buttons and get my ass in gear” Stealing a quick kiss, he waved to Dex’s partner before once again setting off to do just about anything to get Tomo to take him back.

“Hey Matt…sorry to call you so late but have you heard from Shannon?” Tomo asked worriedly as he paced the length of the hallway, biting nervously at his bottom lip.

“He’s not home yet?” Matted questioned groggily as he sat up, turning away from the death glare his formerly sleeping wife was shooting at him. “He left here hours ago. I figured that you and he had made up by now”

“Jesus…I’ve totally fucked this up Mattie” Tomo sighed, sitting down for a second on a nearby chair only to jump up again a moment later out of nervousness, the new puppy following him wherever he went. “What if he’s in trouble? What if I pushed him too far this time and he’s decided to leave me for good? What if…”

“Tomo…” Matt cried out, cutting of his friend before he fell into a full blown panic. “I am sure that Shannon is fine. He probably needed to blow of a bit of stream and as for him leaving you…that will never fucking happen. That man loves you more then anything in his life…even Jared” He reminded with a smile. “Speaking of Jared…have you called him to see if he’s there?”

“He’s not there and it took everything in my power to stop Jay from putting out an APB for him” Tomo sighed again, sitting down on the same chair as he picked up the still unnamed puppy and hugged it to his chest.

“Yeah figures” Matt smiled despite the situation. “You know how he is when it comes to Shannon”

“Thank fuck…he’s home Matt” Tomo cried out as he put the puppy back on the floor. “I’ll call you later. Where the fuck have you been” He yelled at the startled man, loaded down with many packages.

“I went to Matt’s and then I went shopping” He replied edgily placing the packages on the floor before he focused his attention back to his clearly still upset lover.

“You left Matt’s hours ago. Where the hell have you been since?” Tomo demanded as he picked up the puppy once again before he tripped over it, clutching it to his chest.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Shannon ground out in full aggravation himself as he walked past Tomo and sat of the couch in the living room. “You asked me to leave remember?”

“So I ask you to leave and give me some time to myself and you decide to go on a shopping spree…sure puts me and our relationship in its place doesn’t it” Tomo cried out, shushing the puppy when it whimpered in fear.

“I just can’t win with you anymore can I?” Shannon asked a bit sadly, his shoulders slumped in defeat; packages forgotten as he drew his eyes away from the anger filled ones of Tomo.

“I tell you that I want to have a baby and you bring home a fucking dog Shannon. What did you want me to do jump up and down and kiss your feet?”

“I fucked up ok” Shannon defended. “I got scared and did the first stupid thing that came to mind…but Jesus Tomo you just practically demanded that we have a kid before you even thought about discussing it with me…what else did you expect me to do?”

Tomo thought about Shannon’s words for a moment before he sat on a chair on the other side of the room, placing the puppy on the floor as he watched it run over to Shannon before he picked her up. “I knew how you were going to react and that’s why I really didn’t talk to you about anything” He said truthfully, his own shoulders falling back as he continued to watch his lover hold the dog in question. “I just figured that I could make you see how much it meant to me and that you would just go for it like you usually do. I guess I was wrong too”

“I’m sorry…” They chimed in together as Tomo pushed himself away from the chair before racing into Shannon’s arms as he sat on the couch beside him.

“We really are a couple of losers aren’t we?” Shannon laughed as he looked down at Tomo as he laid his head upon his chest while he wrapped his free arm around him.

“We are…” Tomo laughed himself as he petted the tiny pooch held within Shannon’s other hand. “Guess that’s why we’ve stayed together so long”

“We still have a lot to discuss” Shannon turned somber for a moment as he laid his head upon the side of Tomo’s. “Like how we are going to find a home for this little one over here” He patted her tiny head with his free hand, surprised at just how attached he had gotten to the small creature in such a short amount of time.

“She’s found a home…with us” Tomo cried out as he snatched the puppy out of Shannon’s hand, once again holding it to his chest. “We can’t just let her go…she’s part of our family now and I think that I’ve even come up with a name for her” He grinned up at Shannon with a hint of a blush on his face.

“What?” Shannon smiled happy to hear that they were keeping the puppy who had already wormed her way into his heart.

“Roxi…” Tomo beamed as he kissed the puppy on her little nose.

“Roxi…why Roxi?” Shannon asked in confusion thinking it was the stupidest name he had ever heard of for a dog.

“Don’t laugh…but she kind of looks like the prostitute that used to work on the corner not to far from where I lived when I was younger” He laughed himself, knowing how funny the story was regardless. “She used to wear this thick black eyeliner around her eyes and her hair was two toned blonde and brown” He grinned as he looked over at the kohl rimmed eyed dog, stroking her tan and white coat as he did. “So can we keep her?” He asked fearfully, putting on his own puppy down look as he held Roxi in front of Shannon’s face as he waited for his lover’s response.

“Anything you want baby” He laughed happily as he pulled Tomo and Roxi into his strong embrace. “I love you Tomo and I am really sorry for all the fuck ups lately” Shannon whispered as he pulled back from his lover, staring into his beautiful chocolate eyes.

“Well I’ll tell you what” Tomo grinned as he sat up once again putting Roxi on the floor. “If you can forgive my fuck ups then I will forgive yours. In fact let me take Roxi out and then put her to bed and then I can really make it up to you”

“Ok…” Shannon beamed as he leaned in and kissed the man that he loved with his entire being with an all fired passion. He watched the two walk towards the back of the house before getting up and making his way towards the bedroom. Thanking his lucky stars that he and Tomo were ok, Shannon barely had time to do much of anything else as Tomo rushed into the bed room, knocking him to the bed as kiss after kiss was placed upon his grinning face.

“I love you…love you…love you…love you” Tomo cried out, tears pouring down his face as he jumped up off of the bed leaving Shannon confused as he ran out of the room leaving him alone for only a moment before blowing back in. “Do these mean what I think they mean?” He asked hopeful as he held up two shopping bags loaded with baby items. “I know that I shouldn’t have looked in them but Roxi started chewing on one of the bags and well…fucking answer me” He cried out when Shannon only sat on the edge of the bed grinning from ear to ear.

“It means what you think it means” He finally took pity on the man, laughing out loud when Tomo once again tackled him to the bed.

“Oh my god Shannon really?” Tomo cried out between mind numbing kisses, leaving Shannon only able to nod in response. “We’re going to have a baby. I love you so much Shannon. You have no idea how much I fucking love you” He continued to yell, pulling the articles of Shannon’s clothing off piece by piece before showing just how much he really did love him.

“So you fucking caved in and gave him what he wanted then?” Jared asked in full irritation as he and Shannon sat in the studio a few days later. “I knew you would…you always do”

“I didn’t cave Jared…we compromised” Shannon responded in irritation as well ignoring the rolling of the eyes he received from his brother.

“Are you even ready for this Shannon? Do you realize how much of your life is going to change?” Jared continued his line of questioning.

Shannon thought long and hard before speaking again. “I don’t think that I am fully ready for it…but things have to change Jared or they stand still or end. It’s time for me to grow up and…”

“Sounds like a Tomo answer to me…you caved” He cut Shannon off mid sentence.

Shannon ignored the jab as he took a deep breath before speaking again. “I know this is a really bad idea…but I need to talk to someone and you are the only thing that I have right now since Matt isn’t here”

“Gee thanks…”

“I won’t let Tomo know this…but I am fucking terrified” Shannon spilled the truth as he bit nervously at his fingernails. “I am so afraid that this is going to be such a huge change and I won’t know how to handle it. What if we get a baby and I do something to fuck its life up so badly that it’s scarred for life. What if I fuck up as a father and…”

“Shannon…” Jared cried out, placing his hands upon his brother’s shoulder in order to calm him. “Breath…”

Shannon did as his brother asked, pulling deep breaths into his lungs before letting it out again. “I’m just worried you know” He began to speak once he had calmed down enough to continue. “We didn’t have much of a father figure growing up. What if I really fuck this up Jared? I could lose it all…Tomo and our entire life”

“You are not going to screw this up” Jared assured Shannon although deep within his heart he had to admit that he wasn’t so sure. “You’ve always been the dependable one…always taken care of things for the family…the band…me. You can do this and you will because it’s the type of person that you are. You’re going to be a great father” He continued, knowing that at least that part was going to be true. “Hell you practically raised me didn’t you and look how great I turned out” Jared laughed at the rolling of eyes he received at that remark. “You’ll be fine old man…now shut the fuck up and let the master get back to work”

“Thanks Jared…” Shannon smiled, patting his brother on the back before focusing his attention to the work they had ahead of them.

Six months later…

“Tomo” Shannon spoke softly, concerned for his lover as he entered the room that they shared and found him lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. “You ok baby?” He asked, knowing that he was far from ok after an earlier phone call.

“This is just never going to happen for us” Tomo finally spoke up, watching as Shannon crossed the room, lying on the bed next to him. “We are never going to be parents”

Shannon could hear the upset and disappointment in Tomo’s voice, the tears lingering in his eyes confirming it. “It will happen baby…we just have to be patient. You know that the adoption agencies said that it could take time” He didn’t speak another word as he tried to comfort the man that he loved, only to be pushed away before Tomo sat up.

“I know what the adoption agencies said Shannon…I was there” Tomo replied nastily, regretting it immediately at the look of hurt he received from Shannon. “Sorry Shan…” He whispered as he laid back down curling into Shannon’s broad chest, his eyes closing as strong arms wrapped around him. “I’m just so frustrated” He spoke, tears of frustration wetting Shannon’s shirt as he was pulled even tighter against his body. “We’ve put our name on so many lists...talked to one adoption agency after another and even the ones that cater to the gay community don’t hold any hope that we will get a child. I just want this so badly Shannon and it pisses me off that we are getting turned away left and right. If it weren’t for the fact that most of those places are gay family friendly…I’d think this was a form of discrimination” Tomo pouted, more tears bleeding from his eyes.

“Most of them frown upon the fact that we are musicians Tomo…not the fact that we are gay” Shannon reminded. “Our lifestyle doesn’t exactly scream family friendly”

“We don’t tour as much as we used to and it isn’t like we can’t travel with a baby from place to place” Tomo cried out, once again pushing himself away from his lover.

“Tomo…” Shannon sighed, his own frustration getting the better of him because it was becoming an almost nightly ritual forTomo to have those sort of drama sessions. The fact was that Shannon really never knew when they were going to occur and when they did most times he had to fight the urge to scream at his partner to get over it and grow up. He knew why Tomo was upset, he could even understand it, but what he didn’t know was how to fix it and why it seemed that no matter how hard he tried to be there for his lover it just never seemed to be enough. They had tried just about everything in order to bring a child into their home. They had been to each and every adoption agency in the Los Angeles area and even beyond, basically being told by each one that the lifestyle they lived was not suitable for family life. They had spoken to a few of their female friends and counterparts hoping that someone would be a seregate for them, only to realize that none of those people met up to Tomo’s high standards. It was getting so bad that some days Shannon would see a mother and her child on the street or in a store and contemplate kidnapping it just to make his lover happy. He knew that he would never do it, but the idea did make him chuckle from time to time as to how he would do it, each time getting more far out and crazier then the next. He wasn’t sure what their next step would be, if there was a next step to take, but what he did know was that he wasn’t sure how much longer things could go on like they were. “We just have to be patient and hope for the best” Shannon spoke softly, afraid to receive another round of pissed of Tomo, but instead he got a heavy hearted sigh before he found the man curled around his body once again.

“I know…it just sucks is all” Tomo whimpered, closing his eyes as once again strong arms wrapped around him.

“I know baby…I know” Shannon replied, closing his eyes as well he waited for Tomo to cry himself to sleep, knowing that tomorrow or maybe even the next day he would be going through yet another pity fest.

“You look like shit” Jared exclaimed to his brother as he sat across from him at a local coffee shop the next morning.

“Fuck you very much little brother” Shannon growled, downing the rest of his coffee before getting up and ordering another. “I didn’t get much sleep last night” He sighed as he came back to the table and sat down.

“Marathon night of love making with the Tomo monster” Jared grinned.

“I fucking wish” Shannon sighed again, lying his head in his hand as he perched upon the table. “The truth is that since we’ve started trying for a baby Tomo rarely even fucking touches me, except for when he’s upset and needs comfort…like last night. We got another phone call from an adoption agency basically telling us that we don’t fit their requirements for the perfect family”

“Why…because your gay?” Jared blurted out, several people in the coffee house looking at them strangely before going back to their coffee drinks.

“No you fucker…and why don’t you just tell the whole fucking world” Shannon leered evilly at his brother. “It’s because we are musicians. They don’t think that it’s possible to live the rock and roll lifestyle with a child added into the mix”

“That’s bullshit…” Jared raised his voice, once again receiving looks from the patrons of the establishment, brushing them off with an evil glare from deep blues eyes before turning back to his brother.

“Not if you really think about it…it isn’t” They both heard a female voice speak, Shannon knowing who it was by the look upon Jared’s face before even lying eyes upon her.

“Hey Matt…Libby” He nodded to the couple standing beside them.

“Hey Shannon…Jared” Matt smiled, it disappearing at the scowl he received from Jared.

“Mind if we join you?” Libby asked, not waiting for an answer before sitting down beside Shannon. “I’ll take a fat free, vanilla latté” She instructed her husband before turning her attention back to the two silent brothers.

“You two want anything while I am up there?” Matt asked, looking at Shannon, but avoiding eye contact with Jared altogether, because he knew what the singer was already thinking. He knew of Jared’s great hatred for his wife and he understood it even, but it still didn’t mean that he wanted to hear once again how Libby practically dominated his life, even if it was true.

“No thanks” Both brothers’ responded as Matt walked off with a nod.

“So back to what we were talking about” Libby piped up, ignoring the hateful looks Jared was shooting her way from across the table.

“We…weren’t talking about anything” Jared pointed between the three of them. “Shannon and I were talking and it’s none of your business you nosey…”

“Jared…that’s enough” Shannon cut his brother off, thankful that Matt hadn’t heard what Jared was about to say to his wife as he took that exact moment to walk up to the table with their drinks.

“Whatever the fuck” Jared cried out in anger, getting up from the table before storming off.

“Was it something that I said?” Matt asked in confusion as he watched Jared leave.

“No…sorry guys but you know how Jared is” Shannon tried to defend his brother, getting up himself. “I’ll see you both later” He smiled before taking his leave, finding his brother waiting for him around the corner. “You know you have to get over this hatred of Libby. She’s Matt’s wife and he loves her…no matter how wrong she is for him” He felt bad for his brother because he knew just how much he was still in love with the blonde man. “You need to get over him and move on Jared” He tried to reason with him, hating that look of hurt that crossed his normally handsome face. “He has and now it’s time for you as well. You need to get out there and start dating again…find someone that will make you happy”

“I keep waiting for something to happen” Jared finally spoke up a few minutes later. “I keep hoping that he will come to me and tell me how much he still loves me and everything will just fall back into place like with you and Tomo”

“That’s not how it happened with Tomo and I and you know it Jared” Shannon reminded at the knock down drag out fight that occurred before Shannon had found a way to forgive Tomo for all he had done to him before they had gotten together. “We both suffered a lot and I hurt Dexter before we became a couple”

“He’s never going to love me like he once did…will he?” Jared asked, ignoring Shannon’s response.

Shannon wanted to tell Jared that he knew for a fact that Matt was still head over heels in love with him, but he knew that it would only cause problems for all of them if he had. “No Jared…he gave up on that a long time ago. He wanted more and you couldn’t give that to him and so he found it with someone that could. It’s time for you to do the same” He went on, placing his hand on Jared’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“Yeah…I know” Was all Jared said before turning around and walking off, leaving Shannon wondering what was going on once again within his little brother’s brain.

When Shannon got home he knew that Tomo had received yet another phone call or rejection letter as he walked into their home and found him lying on the couch, Roxi lying on his stomach as they lay on the couch passed out. “Fucking Christ…” Shannon sighed, his head already hurting as he walked into the living room, nearly tripping over the empty beer bottles on the floor as he picked the tiny puppy off of Tomo’s heaving chest, cuddling it to his chest before taking it to the back yard. He watched with tired eyes as she ran up and down the yard chasing a butterfly, barking in frustration each time that she lunged for it and missed. Closing his eyes he sighed deeply at the idea of spending another long and drawn out night with Tomo feeling sorry for himself and at how unfair life was being to them. He truly didn’t know how much longer he could put up with it before he lost his mind completely because he felt as if it were beginning to unravel slowly but surely with each night he had to be strong for his partner. A cold nose to his leg, he looked down and found Roxi staring up at him with such love and devotion that it brought tears to his eyes as he reached down and picked her up. “Do you love your daddy?” He asked her in a sweet and quiet voice, receiving a lick to the face in reply. “Yeah…daddy loves you too” He smiled, something inside of him finally breaking down as he once again cuddled her to his chest and cried out his frustration in silence.

When Tomo woke up he found the room dark. “Shannon…” He moaned, rolling over, his brow knitted in confusion when he found that he was lying on the bed and not on the couch he knew he had passed out on. “Shannon” He moaned again, grumbling to himself as he forced his way off of the bed and made his way into the living room. “What the hell are you still doing up?” He ground out when he found the man he was looking for sitting on the floor in the living room playing tug of war with Roxi.

“It’s nine-thirty…it’s too early to go to bed” Shannon replied, not bothering to look up at his lover.

“Then why the fuck did you put me to bed then?” Tomo asked in annoyance, standing in front of the two as he waited for an answer.

“Figured you were out for the night” Shannon mumbled, continuing to play with the puppy.

“What?” Tomo snapped in anger.

“I said I figured you were out for the night” He repeated a bit louder, an edge to his voice that sent Tomo off.

“Well excuse the fuck out of me” Tomo cried out, rushing over to a side table in the hallway and picking up what appeared to be a piece of paper. Shannon already knew what it was before it was even tossed across the room at him. “Just in case you care…that is another rejection from another adoption agency” He bit out nastily.

“Like I’ve had a chance to care about anything since we started this” Shannon hollered, petting the puppy when she started to whimper. “All I’ve been doing has been taking care of you and your upset, being there for you with each rejection…there hasn’t been time for me to feel one way or another about it”

“Oh like you fucking care Shannon” Tomo responded evilly, shooting Shannon a hateful look before storming away. “You’ve wanted nothing to do with finding a baby from the very beginning.

Fed up, Shannon jumped up, storming after Tomo because it was now time to have his say. “You have no idea what the fuck I am feeling or thinking. All you care about is yourself and truth be told Tomo I am fucking sick of it. Not once since this has started have you asked me how I was feeling…if I was holding up ok…but I’ve been there for you time after time”

“Fuck you Shannon” Tomo growled, unable to say more because he knew Shannon was absolutely right.

“No Tomo…FUCK YOU” Shannon screamed at the top of his lungs, rushing out into the hallway before storming out the front door, slamming it loudly behind him. He drove for hours just stewing and hurting over Tomo and his hateful words, ending up where he always did when times got bad and he needed a place to hide for a bit.

“He’s already called” Jared hollered from the living room where he sat on the floor, papers spread out all around him. “Grab a couple of beers from the kitchen and tell me what the fuck is going on now”

“I just need some time to myself” Shannon replied, not giving Jared a chance to say another word as he climbed up the steps of his old home, walking into his former bedroom, closing the door softly behind him. He knew that Jared wouldn’t leave him alone for long, but he was grateful for the near hour he was given before he heard a soft knock at the door. “Come in” He smiled, despite his pain as a hand holding two beer bottles appeared before the door was pushed all the way open exposing a grim faced Jared.

“Thought maybe you could use a drink about now” He spoke uneasily, only stepping into the room when Shannon held his hand out for the drink. “You want to talk about it?” He asked, handing Shannon his beer, popping the top of his own as he sat on the bed and waited for his brother to speak.

“Same shit…different day” Shannon replied with a half grin, before it was lost for good. “What else…another rejection and then I have to deal with Tomo going off the deep end. The other night it was him staring at the wall for hours in stone cold silence before crying himself to sleep…tonight it was finding him passed out on the couch with seven bottles of corona just thrown on the floor. I almost busted my ass walking into the living room and tripping on one. I’m trying to be there for him Jared…but Jesus its starting to wear thin. We’ve had six rejection letters and two phone calls. Our resources are dwindling down to nothing and I just don’t what will happen if ever they dry up completely. The worst part is that he acts as if I am to blame for this happening to us. I mean…I know that I was resistant at first but not anymore. I want this as well…but for some reason Tomo is just to fucking blind to see that”

”You let him get away with too much shit…you always have from the beginning” Jared reminded as he stretched out, lying next to Shannon, waiting for the outburst he always received when he spoke ill of Tomo, but it was one he never received.

“I just want to make him happy” Shannon sighed. “And up until this whole baby issue I thought that I was doing just that…now I think that he just tolerates me”

“Shannon…Tomo loves you. He’s just a selfish bastard…he always has been but despite that the man loves you so much”

“I don’t know anymore” Shannon sighed again, downing the last of his beer before placing the empty bottle on the night stand. “We used to make love two or three times a week…but in the last few months nothing. Hell…I would kill just to be able to hold him…to touch him without it being because he was upset and needed support. I am so afraid to touch him most times lately that I just don’t. I miss being intimate with him. Fuck…I just miss him” He spoke in frustration at the tears starting to form within his eyes. “I always thought that babies brought families together...but in this case it seems that it’s going to tear us apart”

“Jared can you leave us alone” They both heard someone speak, each turning to find a tearful Tomo standing in the doorway.

Jared didn’t say anything as he looked at his brother for a sign of what he wanted him to do, reluctantly sliding off of the bed at the nod he received in reply. “Fucking asshole” He growled towards Tomo as he walked past him, slamming the door loudly behind him.

“I’m so sorry Shannon” Tomo continued to speak once they were alone. “I heard everything you had to say and you’re absolutely right. I’ve been a horrible and selfish bastard to you ever since we started this…even before we started this” He spoke a bit softer, his tears still flowing freely. “I know that I need to make it up to you but please don’t ever doubt my love for you” With frightened steps be began to walk towards the bed Shannon was still lying on, fearful that he was going to be pushed away. Reaching the bed, he laid down next to his lover, petrified to touch him, but knowing that he had to prove to him that no matter what the love he held for him had never changed. “I love you so much Shannon…I really do” He reached out slowly, tracing his fingers along his tear stained cheeks. “I’ve never made life for you very easy…I know this…but you’ve always been there for me. It’s now time for me to be there for you” Inching forward, he reached out and wrapped his arms around Shannon’s neck, pulling him into his arms as he closed his eyes cherishing the warmth that surrounded him. “Can you ever forgive me for the way I’ve been acting?” He whispered against Shannon’s ear, a smile creeping around his face at the words he heard next.

“I will always love you Tomo…no matter what” Shannon replied truthfully, lying his head upon Tomo’s chest as he clung to the man that he loved. “There isn’t anything to forgive you for. I know how hard this has been on you. It’s ok” He pulled back some in order to look into Tomo’s eyes.

“You always do that. You always just forgive me without hesitation…why is that? Because the truth is Shannon that most times I don’t deserve it” Tomo asked, his heart beating with so much love for Shannon that he felt he may pass out from it.

“You mean everything to me Tomo. I love you and I hate to see you hurt or upset. I just keep remembering something your mother told me a long time ago”

“What?” Tomo asked, wondering what his mother could have told the man that he loved.

“She told me that all the men in your family are selfish and that you will take and take until you have nothing left to give…but then you do something so wonderful that you forgive them time and time again” Shannon replied, as he reached out and traced a single tear bleeding down Tomo’s face.

“I didn’t do anything wonderful for you to forgive me as quickly as you did” Tomo sobbed, his breath hitching.

“You came looking for me…that’s all I needed” Shannon smiled as he leaned forward and kissed Tomo softly. “I love you baby”

“Oh god I love you so much Shannon” Tomo rushed out, crushing his arms around the other mans neck in order to prove that love. “I don’t deserve you…but I fucking love you so much and I promise that things will get better” Shannon could tell that Tomo meant those words, but he hoped and prayed that he would be able to keep them if and when they were presented with more rejections.

Several weeks passed and true to his word Tomo stopped his destructive ways. Life seemed to fall back into place and Shannon couldn’t have been happier, except he still knew how badly Tomo wanted a baby and how much it was eating him up inside that they weren’t able to find one. Tomo hadn’t said a word, but sometimes as Shannon was looking at his lover he could see the sadness deep within his chocolate eyes. He would watch Tomo’s eyes whenever they were out and they happened to see a child with their parent’s. He could see the longing, the bitterness, but just as quickly as it was there it would disappear while he put on a smiling face. Shannon himself had to admit that he longed to expand their family as well, to add a child to the mix and with each day that passed he found the longing growing more and more.

He had basically given up hope, when a month later Jared showed up at their home and to say he was excited was an understatement. “I’ve found you a baby” He exclaimed as Shannon opened the door, rushing past him as he went in search of Tomo. “Tomo…get the fuck out here”

“What’s going on?” Tomo ask as he came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel.

“I’ve found you a baby…well more like a pregnant mother…but she’ll have the baby and then it’s all yours” He rambled on, pacing back and forth like a loon before Shannon stopped him.

“Jared…are you on something?” He asked seriously because to Shannon and even Tomo he sure did look like it.

“No…you fuck” He cried out, standing before the two of them with wild eyes. “I was talking to a lawyer friend of mine…telling him about what’s been going with you and Tomo and he said that he might know someone who was looking for an adoptive couple. Hell…it had been nearly two weeks since I had heard from him and I sort of forgot…but then he just called me and said that he did know of someone and she might be willing to allow you to adopt her baby once it’s born”

“Oh my god…” Tomo cried out as he fell onto the couch with a look of fear and hope screaming from his eyes.

“Tomo…” Shannon rushed to his side, sitting beside him as he took his hand into his own.

“Do you think it’s real…could it be real?” He asked, clutching Shannon’s hand so tightly that he had to pull it away before he did any damage.

“Only one way to find out” Shannon smiled at him, once again taking his hand as he gazed lovingly into his partners eyes.

“Really?” He asked, tears glistening within those same eyes.

“Really…” The drummer grinned, leaning forward and kissing him quickly before turning his attention back towards his brother. “What are you waiting for…give that man a call” He yelled at him, the smile never leaving his face as he continued to hold his lovers hand tightly.

Each listened as Jared talk on his cell phone, their nerves jangled as the same man paced back and forth in front of them, nearly coming off of the couch in wait for a response. “You have an appointment with him and the mother to be tomorrow. It’s kind of an informal thing where you both get to meet her and she gets to meet you and if you click then he can get the paper work started” Jared beamed at his brother and his lover, before being tackled to the ground by the over exuberant two. “Get off of me you nut balls” He laughed as he pushed his way through the arms and legs surrounding him. “Now go to bed and get plenty of rest because if all goes well tomorrow starts a new phases of your lives” He winked at them as he headed for the door.

“Thanks Jared” Tomo called out towards his retreating figure from his spot on the floor.

“Yeah…thanks bro” Shannon cried out as well, the two of them looking up at him with smiles so large upon their face that it nearly brought tears to Jared’s eyes.

“Just don’t ask me to change any shitty diapers or clean up baby yuck” He chuckled, stopping after he had opened the door as he turned to face the two men who meant that world to him. “Congrats guys…I really hope this works out for you” With that said he exited the room.

“You ok?” Shannon asked as they continued to lie on the floor, neither of them knowing what to say as their minds worked a mile a minute.

“I don’t know what to think. I don’t know if I should even try to get my hopes up or if I should just try and pretend that this just didn’t happen” Tomo spoke truthfully as he turned onto his side to look at his lover. “What’s going through you mind right now?” He asked, curious to know what he was thinking.

“Honestly?” Shannon asked as he slid onto his side as well, holding his head up upon his hand and he locked eyes with Tomo.

“Yeah…” Tomo replied hesitantly.

“I was trying to decide if I wanted a little girl or a little boy” Shannon smiled at Tomo, watching the relief that filled his eyes as he pushed him onto his back, lying on top of him before kissing him passionately. The kiss turned into playful and fun before leading up to a long and exhausting bout of love making that left the two of them panting and completely fulfilled, with smiles upon their face afterwards as they gathered up discarded clothing and headed into the bedroom.

“So what did you decide on?” Tomo asked as they lie curled up together after a quick clean up.

“I know its so cliché; but I would love for it to be a little boy” Shannon grinned into the darkness, feeling Tomo smile against his chest. “You?”

“A little girl” Tomo smiled even wider.

“Really?” Shannon asked, stunned for a moment.

“Yeah…a beautiful little girl that we can dress up and show off as daddies little princess” His smile grew yet again at the hand he felt in his hair and the hitch in his partners voice.

“You never cease to amaze me baby” Shannon sniffled, the amount of love he held for Tomo growing so much that he felt it would explode all over them. “I love you”

“Love you too Shannon” Tomo kissed Shannon’s naked chest before snuggling in for the night. “Love you too”

 

“Where the hell is she?” Jared growled at the lawyer as the four of them sat in his office waiting for the pregnant mother to arrive the next morning.

“She told me that she would be here Jared” The lawyer defended, praying to god that the women showed up because he truly did not want to deal with the singer’s attitude after run ins with him in the past.

“Well she’s a fucking hour late…call her on the phone or something” He bit out, jumping off of the chair he had been sitting on as he began to pace the tiny office.

“Sit the fuck down Jared” Shannon snapped at his brother, his nerves on edge as he clutched Tomo’s shaking and sweaty hand under the table before them. “You not helping the situation with your bitching” Jared didn’t say another word, but the look on his face screamed that he was not happy about anything as he fell into his chair and began to bite nervously at his thumb nail.

“She’s not coming” Tomo spoke softly, looking around the room at each of them as he released Shannon’s hand and stood up. “It’s ok…” He lied, putting on a brave front for everyone. “She probably changed her mind and…” His words were cut short as the door to the office was thrown open and a very pregnant and unhappy looking young woman stormed in.

“You’re fucking late” Jared sneered at the woman, checking her out from head to foot.

“I missed the damn bus and then when I finally did catch one…it broke down” The women defended herself, glaring at Jared as he turned her attention to the other men in the room. “Sorry…” She huffed as he continued to stand before them nervous and irritated.

“No…it’s ok” Shannon jumped up, rushing over towards the young woman as he pulled out a nearby chair and indicated for her to sit down, glaring at Jared as he did. “Here sit…you must be tired. Do you want some water?” He spoke quickly, not giving her a chance to answer as he rushed across to the other side of the room, grabbing a water pitcher before filling a plastic cup.

“Well aren’t you quite the gentleman” The woman smiled up at Shannon as he handed her the cup, watching as he went to sit next to the other dark haired man sitting at the table. “You the boyfriend?” She asked Tomo, noticing how his eyes widened in fear before reaching over and taking the helpful ones hand into his own. “Guess so” She mumbled when she didn’t receive a response. “So how does this work?” She asked, growing nervous herself at the amount of eyes watching her every move.

“We will start with introductions” The lawyer began. “These two gentlemen are Tomo Milicevic and Shannon Leto…they are the ones interested in adopting your child and he’s Shannon’s brother Jared” He pointed quickly towards Jared before continuing. “Gentlemen this is Amy Jameson and as I told you all on the phone this is an informal meeting where you all get to meet each other, ask any questions that you might have and then if you decide you want to allow Tomo and Shannon to adopted you baby then we can get the paperwork started. However…if you decide not to then we will end this meeting and there will be no further contact on either part”

The hitch of Tomo’s breath echoed around the tiny room, all eyes on him as he held Shannon’s hand even tighter. He was dying to ask a million and one questions and yet he found his mind unfocused and his mouth unwilling. “I hope you don’t mind my asking this” Shannon spoke up instead. “Why are you willing to give you baby up for adoption?”

“I’m nineteen years old. I work in a grocery store as a cashier during the day and then I waitress in a sleazy bar at night. Even with two jobs I barely make enough to make my rent and have a little left for food. There is no way that I can afford to add a baby to that” She spoke truthfully, feeling the waves of dislike that Jared was shooting her way. “My boy friend knocked me up and then promised me he would be around to help…only to have me wake up one morning with all of his shit gone. I may be poor white trash” She glared at Jared before turning her eyes back to the hopeful couple. “But I am smart enough to know that I can’t take care of this baby and need to find someone who can. So…what’s your deal?” She asked the two, looking directly at Tomo.

“We’ve been trying to adopt for almost a year now and we’ve been quite unsuccessful” Tomo spoke softly, looking over at Shannon who was smiling at him in a show of support before leaning down and kissing him quickly upon his hand.

“So you can speak” Amy smiled, unsure of what to think of the open display of affection between the two men. There was no denying that they held a deep love for each other with just the simple looks and smiles that they shared, but she had to admit that she wasn’t so sure she was willing to let two gay men raise her child no matter how much they were in love with each other.

“I can speak” Tomo repeated with a smile, as he glanced over at his lover once again. “I’m just so nervous” He went on speaking truthfully, a bit more relaxed as he did. “As I’ve said we’ve been trying to adopt for quite a long time and no matter how hard we’ve tried we’ve had door after door slammed in our faces”

“Because you’re gay?” Amy blurted out, jumping back at the outburst she received from the man who had been sitting behind them.

“You have a fucking problem with that?” Jared belted out, jumping up off of the chair scaring the shit out of everyone there at his loudness. “These two men would be the perfect parents for that baby you are carrying there and…”

“Jared…shut the fuck up” Shannon roared, jumping up off of his own chair as he rushed to his brother’s side, grabbing him and literally pushing him kicking and screaming out into the hallway. Harsh and loud words could be heard before Shannon entered the room alone, his face red as he muttered apologizes for his brother’s behavior.

“He’s just trying to help us out because he knows that each rejection has been hard on both of us” He reached for Tomo’s hand again before turning his eyes back to the quiet girl. “You’re pretty much our last hope and even if you decide to think about us…I only ask that you don’t hold my brother’s outburst against us. He’s a wonderful guy…he just sometimes forgets himself”

“So…I’ve read” Amy replied as she dragged her eyes to the cloudy glass door, chuckling to herself at the shadow making no pretenses to holding his ear against the glass.

“So you know who he is?” Tomo asked, already waiting for the rejection he was sure to come.

“I know who all of you are” She replied as he pulled her eyes back to Tomo and Shannon. “I’ve seen a few of Jared’s movies and caught some of your show a couple of years back during some festival my idiot ex dragged me to”

“Is that a hindrance or a help?” Shannon asked, biting his lip as he waited for her response.

“I don’t give a shit who you are or who your brother is…all that matters is that you take excellent care of my baby” She spoke, smiling as she rubbed her swollen belly. “I may not be able to take care of this baby but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him or her” She locked eyes with the two silent men before her, her heart dipping a bit at the amount of fear and hope she found staring back at her through both pair of eyes.

“Does that mean you’ve made a decision?” Tomo rushed out, squeezing Shannon’s hand just as tightly as he was squeezing his.

“Yeah…” She smiled, fighting back tears as she continued to stare at them from across the table. “Let’s get the paperwork started” She told the lawyer, once again rubbing her belly as he heart broke a bit at what she was about to do.

“You’ve made us so happy” Shannon cried out, jumping up off of his chair before pulling his lover with him, crushing him to his body in a vice light grip. “I love you” He beamed at Tomo before kissing him quite soundly. “We’re going to be parents baby…can you believe it?”

“Parents…” Tomo smiled back, wrapping his arms around Shannon’s neck, hiding his face in there at the tears that began to fall. “We’re going to be parents” He whispered again, before stepping away from Shannon and turning his full attention to the women who had given him his dream. “Thank you…thank you so much” He sobbed, hating the way that he looked in front of the perfect stranger, but unable to stop the tears of happiness that continued to flow.

Amy couldn’t say a word, could only nod as she once again fought her own round of tears.

Nearly three hours after all the paperwork had been signed and the agreements made, Tomo and Shannon found themselves driving down the streets of the seedier part of town, the pregnant Amy in the back seat giving directions to her home. “There…where that bum is sleeping on the ground…that’s my apartment” She cried out, pointing at a run down apartment building surrounded by homeless people and prostitutes.

“You live here?” Tomo asked, his mouth hanging open at what he saw before him. “This doesn’t seem like a very safe place for an expectant mother to live” He looked over at Shannon, ignoring the warning looks he was receiving from his partner. “It looks unsafe in the daylight…I can’t even imagine what it’s like at night”

“Well it’s all I can afford” Amy bit out, climbing out of the car the moment it stopped. “Look just go…don’t worry I will be ok. I’ve got your phone number and I will call you the moment that I go into labor” She called out over her shoulder as she practically ran for her apartment in serious need to use the bathroom.

“No Tomo…no” Shannon placed his hand upon Tomo’s arm when he threw open his own door in an attempt to run after the women carrying their child.

“I know” Tomo called out as he ran across the cracked sidewalk, ignoring the whore trying to sell him her goods. “Amy…” He called out as he entered the tiny apartment, the door left open as he stepped inside. “Amy…” He called out again, the flushing of a toilet his only reply.

“Jesus Christ I spend more time in the bathroom then anything” She replied as she walked into the room, already expecting to find Tomo there. “Do you want something to drink?” She called out from the kitchen as he opened the fridge and found it completely empty. “Good…” She replied as she walked back into the room when Tomo answered with a no. “Seems I don’t have anything to offer my guest anyways” She fell down on a ripped and dilapidated couch, kicking off her shoes as she watched Tomo take in the shit hole apartment.

“Fucking Christ…” Shannon murmured under his breath nearly thirty minutes later when Tomo exited the apartment carrying a beat up suit case in one hand and the hand of Amy’s in another. “Tomo?” Shannon spoke his name in the form of a question as he assisted the woman into the back seat. “What the fuck Tomo?” He questioned again when he got no response and the back door was safely closed.

“She can’t stay here Shannon” Tomo spoke quickly as he tried to walk around Shannon, wanting to avoid the upcoming confrontation he knew was to come.

“And just where will she be staying?” Shannon asked, already knowing the answer by the blush that raced across Tomo’s face.

“With us…” Tomo spoke quickly, pushing Shannon out of the way as he opened the door and climbed in. He didn’t wait for Shannon to respond as he slammed the door shut, smiling shakily at Amy through the rear view mirror as he watched his lover stand before the car with a look of shock and then anger. No words were spoken as they drove towards their home, Amy humming some song barely under her breath as she rubbed her hand back and forth across her tummy.

“What the fuck were you thinking when you just invited a perfect stranger into our home?” Shannon spoke angrily under his breath after Tomo had gotten Amy settled in the spare bedroom.

“A perfect stranger that is allowing us to adopt her baby” Tomo responded with just as much anger. “I mean Jesus Shannon…I just couldn’t leave her there in that shit box. Do you know that she’s about six months pregnant and she hasn’t even been to the doctor yet and the fact of the matter is that no matter how much of a brave front she puts up…she’s scared baby and I just couldn’t leave her there like that”

“You have a big heart babe and it’s one of the main reasons I love you” Shannon smiled sadly as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m just worried that we are going to wake up one morning and everything will be gone and don’t even get me started on how Jared’s going to react once he finds out”

“Well for one thing the last time I fucking checked Jared Leto wasn’t my father and as for everything being gone…well we just have to trust her. She’s carrying our baby Shannon” Tomo sat down beside Shannon, leaning close before lying his head upon his shoulder. “This past year has been hell for us and now for a change we are experiencing something happy. I just don’t want anything to happen to fuck it up. Do you understand that?” He asked, lifting his head as he stared deeply into Shannon’s eyes.

Shannon wanted to fight him, but as usual when it came to Tomo and his happiness he relented. “I understand” He replied, closing his eyes as Tomo placed his head back on his shoulder, an arm snaking around his waist as he snuggled even closer against his body. He didn’t say a word, but his gut kept telling him that something bad was going to happen and although he didn’t know what it was, he had a feeling that it was something that was going to test the boundaries of he and Tomo’s relationship once and for all.

Weeks passed and Shannon found that their houseguest was more of a nuisance then anything. She was messy and needy and complained about everything and anything and yet that he could deal with, what bugged him more then anything was the way that Tomo seemed to jump at her every whim. Everything had changed the moment that they had taken Amy to her first doctor’s appointment. It was right there in the very moment as they listened to the heartbeat and viewed what turned out to be their daughter on the ultrasound machine for the very first time that everything changed between Tomo and the pregnant mother. They had formed a bond of sorts and it was one that Shannon felt he could never penetrate even if he had wanted to. They were always together, Tomo tending to her every need as they talked and shared everything baby. Shannon was upset and aggravated beyond belief and yet he said nothing as to not ruin Tomo perfect childlike bubble. The truth was the he missed his lover despite the fact that he was living in the same house as him, sleeping in the same bed as him. Since they had found out the sex of the baby, just about every spare moment was spent shopping and planning as the two of them little by little set up the bedroom that was going to belong to the little bundle of wonder. Tomo allowed Amy’s input way more then Shannon was comfortable with, constantly reminding his lover that in the end Amy was signing over all rights to her child over to them and that maybe he should exclude her some to make this easier, but Tomo always declined stating that for that very reason she should be allowed to help out. As always Shannon gave up that fight as well before stepping back altogether and allowing the two of them to take full control.

The hour was late as Shannon woke with a grumble and a groan to his growling stomach. Looking over at the other side of the bed he found Tomo snoring lightly, a small smile upon his face as if dreaming of something or someplace extremely happy. **Some place without me I am sure** Shannon thought to himself, slipping out of bed as he made his way towards the kitchen. “Ok ok…” He spoke out loud to his stomach as it grumbled once again, he mumbling to himself about the fact he had come home earlier that night after working all day on the songs for their new album with Jared to find Tomo and Amy passed out in the living room, two empty boxes of pizza lying on the floor surrounding them. He had been pissed off enough to learn that the two of them had spent the entire day shopping for baby things once again with out him, hence there was no dinner ready when he got home, but what pissed him off the most was the fact that they had ordered pizza and hadn’t even thought to save any for him. Angry and irritated Shannon had stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him as if to show how angry before lying on the bed and eventually falling asleep. He wasn’t sure when Tomo had decided to join him and as his stomach rumbled once again he found that he didn’t care as he opened the refrigerator in search of something to fill him rumbling belly.

“Hey…what you doing?” He heard Tomo speak softly against his ear, a set of warm hands snaking around his waist before they wormed their way up his chest.

“What the fuck do you think I am doing?” Shannon asked, ignoring the warm body pressed against his, heated breath wafting across his ear while lips and teeth nibbled upon his ear lobe.

“I’m sorry about tonight baby” Tomo tried another tactic when seducing his lover didn’t seem to be working. “We’d just been shopping all day and I guess we were hungrier then we thought” He stepped back with a pout when Shannon seemed to be ignoring him, instead his attention focused on the bread and fixings he had placed on the counter behind them. “You’re really pissed at me huh?” He asked, receiving nothing but silence as Shannon continued with his task. “I guess I’ve been neglecting you lately as well” He continued to speak, knowing that Shannon was listening despite the fact that he pretended not to be. “I just got so caught up in all of this baby stuff that I guess I pushed you off to the sides. I’m sorry for that Shannon” He watched and waited for Shannon to speak, guilt weighing heavily upon him when Shannon continued to ignore him, instead taking a huge bite of the sandwich he had made, the sound of his chewing the only sound heard afterward. Tomo waited until Shannon was finished, waited until he had cleaned up his mess and washed the sandwich down with a glass of milk before speaking again. “I can make it up too you tomorrow” He spoke quickly when Shannon started to walk away. “I can make your favorite meal for dinner tomorrow night. You love my wild truffles with pasta. I could run down to the open market in the morning and get some…”

“I could give two shits about your wild truffles and pasta” Shannon spun around, walking back barefoot into the kitchen as he stood before Tomo. “Because who knows if you would even bother to be there with me to eat it” He spoke under his breath as not to wake Amy. “You know what…forget it. It doesn’t matter” He cried out instead, giving up the oncoming fight at the look of upset he saw screaming back at him through dark chocolate eyes.

“It does matter…” Tomo cried out, grabbing onto Shannon’s arm, hindering him from leaving the kitchen. “I’m so sorry baby…you have no idea how sorry I am. I know that I’ve pushed you away time and time again when I should have been inviting you to stay. It’s not an excuse but I just got so caught up with everything that I just neglected you” Tears glistened within his eyes as he intertwined their two hands together, pulling a reluctant Shannon closer towards him. “Please forgive me baby” He whispered, wrapping his free arm around the back of Shannon’s neck, running his hand up the back of his head. “I promise to include you in everything from now on. This is our baby…not mine and I’ve been such a fucking asshole. I love you Shannon” He whispered as he urged Shannon’s head forward, brushing his lips softly across Shannon’s pursed ones. “Forgive me baby?” He asked, licking across those same lips, a small smile playing across his own mouth at the intake of breath he heard coming from the other man. “Still love me baby?” He let go of Shannon’s hand, snaking it down the front of his pajama bottoms before running it gently over his hardening penis. “Tell me you love me Shannon” He begged, playful and yet needing to hear the words just the same.

“You know I love you” Shannon’s breath hitched as Tomo slide provocatively down his body, kneeling on the floor before him, locking eyes as he looked up. “I’ll always fucking love you” He gasped, grabbing onto the counter for support when his nightwear was ripped from his body, pooling at his feet, Tomo’s wet and heated mouth working its magic on his dick.

“I’ll always love you too Shannon…always” He spoke around the member, licking and teasing before he inhaled its hugeness fully inside of his mouth once again.

Shannon couldn’t control the moans and mumblings that exited over his lips as the man that he loved continued to give him head and he found that he didn’t care as he wound his fingers into his hair and urged him onward. Tomo complied completely, increasing his motion and actions until Shannon was coming down his throat while he greedily swallowed every salty drop.

“I really am sorry Shannon” Tomo spoke truthfully as he pulled himself up from his knees, redressing his lover before once again wrapping his arms around his neck.

“I know…its ok” Shannon smiled, his arms wrapped around Tomo’s waist, just holding him tightly.

“It’s not ok but I promise to make it up to you” Tomo grinned wickedly, taking Shannon’s hand as he led him towards the bedroom, neither noticing they had an audience of one as she sat on the couch in the dark after a sleepless night.

The next morning Shannon woke up before Tomo, his stomach growling once again as he kissed his love on the forehead before heading for the kitchen. “Hey…” He heard Amy speak up as he entered the kitchen, groaning inwardly when he spotted the cereal he as craving spread out before her. “Baby was hungry” She grinned as she shoved a spoonful into her mouth. “Can I ask you a question?”

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, but deciding that he should try and bond with the woman carrying his child, Shannon grunted as he pulled a bowl and spoon out and began to fix himself some breakfast. “Sure…” He spoke quickly, sitting down as he began to shovel the sweet cereal into his mouth.

“I just don’t get the whole gay…wanna be parents thing” She replied, placing her spoon on the counter as she waited for the man that she really didn’t know to reply. “I mean I thought that all gay men want one thing…to fuck their brains out. This whole want to have a family thing is kind of strange to me. I just don’t get it” She repeated again.

“That isn’t a question and you don’t have to get anything” Shannon bit out, brows furrowed in irritation as he placed the bowl he had been holding in his hand on the table. “All you need to know is that Tomo and I want to adopt your child and that we will do everything in our power to make sure that she lives a happy and healthy life” Cereal forgotten, Shannon got up and tried to walk away, only to stop and sit back down because he was determined to get to know the pain in his ass if it killed him. “Fuck…I am sure I am going to regret this but what do you want to know?”

“You really love him don’t you?” She asked instead, glad that Shannon was at least trying to talk to her.

“He’s my everything” Shannon explained, a small smile gracing his lips as he thought of the man still sleeping in their bed.

“Yeah I can see that. I guess that I just never thought that two men could love each other as much as a man and a women” She said truthfully, thankful that Shannon seemed to be relaxing a bit. “He loves you too. He talks about you all the time” A giggle echoed around them at the look of shock that crossed Shannon’s face. “It’s true I swear. Every time we’ve gone shopping or just hung out you are all he talks about. He always tells me that he doesn’t deserve you…but that he’s thankful that you choose to stay with him just the same. He also said that he knows you are going to be the perfect father because you are the perfect man”

Tears glimmered within Shannon’s eyes, but he held them back because he refused to let her see his softer side. “We’ve been together for a long time and we’ve had some hardships before getting to where we are now” He continued with the truth.

“He told me. You let him get away with way to much” She smiled, it disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared at the look of anger that flashed across Shannon’s face.

“So let me guess you think that I’m a fucking wimp or something because I want to keep him happy. What’s so wrong with that?” He ground out, watching as Amy flinched back in fear. “Why is it so hard for people to understand that Tomo is my perfect match? He’s the one that I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Why does that bother you…Jared…fucking everyone?”

“No…it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m just so fucking jealous that I can’t see straight sometimes” She replied quickly. “None of the losers that I’ve been with have ever loved me one ounce as much as you love Tomo. Can I tell you something?” She asked, biting her lip as she rubbed her belly absent mindedly.

With a nod Shannon answered her, fearful as to what she was about to say.

“When the lawyer had contacted me and told me that there was a gay couple interested in my baby I was disgusted. I basically told him to fuck himself and intended to try and make a go on raising this kid on my own. I quickly realized that no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t do it…so I decided to give him a call back just to see what two gay men wanting a baby looked like. I fully intended to say no regardless of what I saw…but then I saw the way that you looked at Tomo…the way that you held his hand…tended to his every emotion and I couldn’t say no anymore. I found myself saying yes before I even knew what I was saying. I know you don’t think highly of me Shannon…but I am doing what’s best for this baby because I know that with the two of you as her parents that she will have an amazing life…one that I could never give her no matter how hard I might try”

Shannon was on his feet a moment later as he took the crying girl into his arms, holding her tightly as he too gave into his tears. “Thank you” He sniffled, closing his eyes as she held onto him as if for dear life. “You’ve given Tomo and I a gift that I can never repay no matter how hard I might try. However…I promise to be there for her whenever she needs me and I will do everything possible to give her one hell of an amazing life”

“I know you will” She smiled through her tears, leaning up and kissing Shannon upon his cheek. “Oh my god…” She cried out, grabbing onto a startled Shannon’s hand before placing it on her rounded belly. “I think she knows too” Amy’s smiled matched that of Shannon’s as the baby within her womb began to kick madly.

“I think we have a future drummer in there” Shannon laughed, his heart swelled with so much love for the unborn baby.

“Everything ok?” They both heard Tomo question as he walked sleepily into the kitchen.

“I can feel her” Shannon beamed at his lover, reaching out for Tomo’s hand before placing it on the spot his hand had been resting on. “Feel…”

“She already loves her daddy” Tomo giggled, leaning into Shannon as he wrapped his free arm around his waist, the tiny pressure against his hand continuing.

“She already loves her daddies” Shannon corrected, lying his hand beside Tomo as he locked eyes with Amy, thanking her immensely with his twinkling eyes for making their dream come true.

After that night everything between Shannon and Amy changed for the better. In a sense they learned to tolerate each other, even enjoying each others company and yet at the same time Shannon still felt as if something bad was going to happen. He didn’t know what it was or why it was bothering him, but it was something that just kept edging away at him to keep his guard up because whatever it was it was going to be harder then anything he had dealt with before. Everything seemed to be going smoothly for all so he pushed it to the back of his mind and tried to focus on the fact that in a few short weeks he and Tomo were going to become fathers. That thought alone scared him and thrilled him to his very core as he pondered daily as to if he was truly ready to take on the role of daddy. Tomo didn’t seem to have any qualms whatsoever, truly anxious for the day to arrive when he could hold his newborn daughter for the first time and he and Shannon could begin their new lives together as a whole family.

Amy on the other hand as the time came closer and closer seemed to be more moody, always irritated, even jumpy whenever Tomo or Shannon approached her. Each time she was asked what was wrong, she would just laugh it off and blame it on nerves, but what the two of them didn’t know was that she was harboring a secret and it was one that could ruin the tight knit relationship between Shannon and Tomo forever if they found out.

Three weeks later in the early morning hours it all began as Amy stumbled into Tomo and Shannon’s bedroom, crying and winching in pain at the contractions ripping through her abdomen. Structured chaos began as Tomo led her to the car, Shannon grabbing her already packed overnight bag before driving the three of them to the hospital. It had been decided before hand that the two men would be allowed to stay in the delivery room as Amy had the baby, but as the days got closer Amy seemed less inclined to let that happen, eventually telling them days before had that she chose for them not to be there. Shannon had become angry and demanded to know why, Tomo taking her side and telling her that he understood and was ok with her decision.

“It’s her last moments with her child Shannon…let her have them alone” He spoke to his lover as they lie in bed, Shannon still stewing over her decision.

“I don’t think that it’s that” Shannon replied, rolling onto his side as he faces his lover. “She’s been acting strange for weeks…disappearing for hours at a time during the day and not telling us where she is going and now this. It just doesn’t make sense”

“I know it doesn’t baby…but we have to honor her wishes” The conversation ended at that as Tomo pounced upon his lover and made him forget about everything in that moment.

“Jesus how long does it take to have a baby” Jared whined as he sat in an uncomfortable chair in the waiting area of the hospital, Matt, Libby, Tomo and Shannon surrounding him.

“Every woman is different” Libby spoke up, stretching herself from sitting so long. “I was in labor with M.J. for ten hours…but when my sister had her baby she was only in labor for three”

“The waiting is killing me” Shannon moaned, getting up and pacing the small room.

“I know what you mean” Matt grinned watching his friend. “I was a nervous wreck while waiting for M.J. to be born. I thought Libby was going to kill me if I walked the room anymore” He reached out and gave his wife’s hand a gentle squeeze, noticing the way that Jared’s face fell before he jumped up off of the chair, excusing himself before leaving the room altogether.

“Jesus…” Shannon sighed as he watched his brother leave, knowing that any affection between Matt and his wife ate his brother up inside. “You ok?” He asked a silent Tomo as he fell back into the chair beside him, taking his hand into his as he did.

“Yeah…” Tomo smiled, turning to face the man that he loved. “I just can’t believe that it’s finally happening…that after all the hell we went through we are finally getting a baby”

“It’s pretty incredible isn’t it?” Shannon smiled as he leaned in and kissed his lover. “Love you” He murmured against Tomo’s lips.

“Love you too” Tomo replied with a smile in return before kissing Shannon this time.

“Excuse me…” They heard a voice speak out, all eyes falling on a nervous looking man before them.

“John…what the hell are you doing here?” Tomo grinned, jumping up and hugging the lawyer who had started it all. “Come to share in the birth of our daughter”

“Yeah man…it’s nice of you to be here” Shannon concurred, getting up and shaking the mans sweaty hand, pulling back at the look of horror he found staring back at him. “What…what is it?” He demanded when the man continued to just stand there, everyone jumping to their feet at the alarm in Shannon’s voice.

“I…I…come baring bad news” The lawyer stammered, stepping back when the small crowd started to move towards him. “Amy’s boyfriend called me earlier this evening and told me that Amy wants to stop the adoption process”

“What…” A chorus of voice cried out in shock around him.

“She can’t do that. She wouldn’t do that because she knows how important this is to us” Tomo was the first to speak up, rushing before the lawyer who held up his briefcase as if to shield himself.

“I…well…she…” The lawyer stammered again, wishing that he was anywhere but there in that very moment.

“She can…” Shannon spoke up, laughing softly to himself as he looked to the floor for a moment before pulling his eyes back up, locking them on Tomo’s. “In the contract that we signed it said that after the birth of the child the mother had seventy-two hours to change her mind about the adoption”

“No…it’s not true” Tomo cried out, stepping back. “This doesn’t make any sense. She made a promise. We took care of her…we fucking paid her” His words got louder, more hysterical as he backed away from the people surrounding him in need of some air. “Her boyfriend left her. She promised Shannon” Tears and realization rained over him as he locked eyes on his partner, falling into the warmth of his arms as he finally fell apart.

“Can someone talk to her…find out what the hell is going on?” Matt asked, corning the lawyer before he could sneak out of the room.

“I’m afraid not” John replied with a shake to his voice, just dying to leave the scene. “She’s made her final decision and has banned both Shannon and Tomo from her room. With that said the lawyer literally ran from the room.

“What the fuck John?” Jared cried out, nearly falling to the floor as the man came barreling out of the waiting room, his briefcase plastered to his chest and a look of pure panic on his face. Jared didn’t even wait for a reply as he jerked open the waiting room door, finding the room in utter silence expect for the sobbing of his guitarist. “What the fuck?” He asked anyone, taking in the way that Shannon held onto Tomo, a look of shock and heartbreak upon his brother’s face, Matt holding Libby each with the same looks upon their face as well. “Shannon?” He spoke his brother’s name, hating the fact that he was clueless to what was going on.

“She changed her mind…she’s keeping the baby” Shannon replied flatly, his grip on Tomo increasing as his tears continued to flow harder. “Jared…” He cried out after his brother when he left the room. “Matt…” He begged his friend with his eyes, directing them to the door to go after Jared because he was afraid to leave Tomo’s side for one moment.

With a nod and a kiss upon his wife’s lips, Matt ran after the wayward singer, already knowing where he was heading without asking anyone. As expected he found his former lover standing outside of Amy’s hospital room, screaming and hollering loud enough to wake the dead, a security guard pinning him to the wall. “Jared…”

“I know you can hear me Amy. Why the fuck are you doing this? Why are you hurting Shannon and Tomo this way? You promised…you fucking signed a contract and promised” His yelling continued, kicking the wall he was pinned to in frustration, ignoring the security guards warnings him to shut up and leave or be arrested. “Amy…” He cried out again, pushing the guard off of him when the door to the room opened and a scraggly looking man walked out. “Who the fuck are you?” Jared questioned, angrily, his arms once again pinned to his back by the security guard, Matt at his side as he grabbed onto Jared and tried to walk him away before he got arrested.

“Jared Leto…” The man smiled after the fuming man. “You tell your brother and his fruitcake lover that if they want to adopt my baby then they will have to deal with me and not my unstable girlfriend”

“What?” Jared and Matt cried out, Matt releasing Jared by mistake by the shock of the words that he heard.

“Who the fuck are you? Jared cried out, pushing the stranger against the wall he had been pinned to, fist raised as he prepared to beat him senseless, Matt hindering his effort as he grabbed onto his arm, pulling him away.

“I’m Amy’s boyfriend Mr. Actor Man” The greasy haired man grinned even wider. “You tell them to meet me in the cafeteria in thirty minutes and then we can negotiate. Oh and Jared…make sure that they come alone” He grinned even wider before disappearing back into the room, closing the door loudly behind him.

“Please don’t do this Adam” Amy sobbed from the bed she was lying on, holding her newborn baby to her bosom. “Tomo and Shannon are wonderful people and they can give our daughter a better life then we ever could”

“Shut the fuck up bitch” Adam roared, resisting the urge to beat his girlfriend for being so stupid. “Do you think I give two fucks about you or that baby? This is a chance for me to make some real money off of a stupid mistake. Oh and don’t even try to leave or get the police involved because you know that I will track you down and kill the two of you if I have to” With that said he left the room with dollar signs in his eyes and greed in his heart.

Shannon and Tomo sat close together in the cafeteria, hands clenched together as they waited for the man who held the fate of their family in his hands. It was a scene that was eerily familiar but this time with an evil twist. The room was practically empty at that late hour, except for a few hospital personal filling up on day old coffee. Together they watched as a drugged out looking man walked into cafeteria, watched the way that he scanned the room, a smile gracing his face as he walked over towards them. “Glad to see that your brother gave you the message” He smirked, sitting down as he took in the two queers before him.

“What do you want?” Shannon asked, giving Tomo’s hand a gentle squeeze when he felt the grip from the other man tighten.

“You know what I want and I know what you want” Adam smiled brightly. “It’s now up to you to decide how much you are willing to pay to expand this family of yours”

“We signed an agreement with Amy” Shannon spoke up, gritting his teeth as he fought the urge to jump across the table and kill the man before them with his bare hands.

“One hundred thousand dollars…are you fucking kidding me?” The man laughed, playing with the salt shaker located on the table. “My bitch may be beautiful but she’s anything but bright when it comes to money. I on the other hand know a prize when I see one. You want that baby…you are going to pay for it”

“How much do you want?” Tomo finally spoke up, his voice so low that each had to really strain to hear it.

“Five million dollars” Adam blurted out, watching the two men as they digested his offer.

“You’re insane” Shannon cried out, slamming his fist upon the table.

“Shannon please…” Tomo begged, turning his attention back towards the ratty looking man. “We don’t have that kind of money on hand but maybe we could pay you in installments or…”

“Installments…” Adam laughed, sliding the salt shaker across the table. “Do you think you are buying a fucking car? Listen…I know who you both are and I sure as hell know who your brother is…so lets just cut the bullshit shall we”

“We don’t have that kind of money you mother fucker. You may know who we are but we are not fucking multi millionaires and as for my brother you keep him out of this” Shannon warned as he leaned over the table as he locked eyes with the crazy person across from him.

“Shannon…stop” Tomo warned, pulling his lover back. “Shannon’s right we live comfortably but are not multi millionaires my any means. There has to be something we can do” He tried to warm up to the drugged out mans compassionate side. “We love your daughter very much and can promise you to give her a great life where she will want for nothing. Please…give us the chance to give her a better life when what you can offer her”

“Fuck you and your offer” Adam spit out, glaring at the two. “I want five million dollars and if you can’t pay it then I will find some other fruitcake couple that will”

“It’s yours…” Tomo cried out as Adam pushed himself away from the table.

“The fuck it is…” Shannon cut him off. “You won’t get a fucking dime more then what we agreed to and that’s final. This is a baby we are talking about…a human being…not something that should be used for barter”

“Shannon no…” Tomo screamed at his lover, his heart falling into his stomach as he watched Amy’s boyfriend face contort into a mask of full anger.

“Then fuck the both of you. Deals off” With that said he left Tomo and Shannon, his hands shaking uncontrollable as he hightailed it to the nearest men’s room to get high.

“What the fuck did you just do” Tomo shrieked, unable to fathom what had just happened and not willing to listen as he ran out of the cafeteria in hopes of finding the person who held his family dreams within his hands. “I fucking hate you” His cries continued when Shannon joined him in the corridor seconds later. “Take me home” He demanded of Matt and his wife when they and Jared appeared as if out of nowhere. He didn’t wait for an answer as he stalked off, leaving Jared and Shannon alone as Matt and Libby went after him.

“What the fuck just happened?” Jared asked, already having a hunch.

“Can you just take me home Jared” Shannon asked of his brother, his head pounding at what had just happened and what he knew was about to as well. The drive home was in silence, Jared seeming to be deep in thought and Shannon thankful that Jared wasn’t demanding explanations or trying to come up with solutions.

With heavy steps and shoulders that felt as if they had the weight of the world upon them, Shannon entered the home that he shared with Tomo. Closing the door he walked into the living room, finding Tomo sitting quietly upon the couch with a look so angry upon his normally handsome face that for once in his life Shannon found him to look almost grotesque like. “Tomo…” He spoke his name hesitantly, walking further into the room.

“How could you do that to me Shannon?” Tomo spoke up, his voice even, but so full of hatred that it hurt Shannon to hear it.

“Tomo…he was trying to blackmail us with the life of a child” Shannon tried to explain, but was unable to speak further when Tomo jumped up and stalked over towards him.

“Yes Shannon…our child. The child that we were supposed to raise together. You have ruined that chance now haven’t you? You’ve ruined everything but then again what else would I expect from you. You never wanted this baby to begin with. You only went along with it because you knew that I wanted a baby more then anything and now I have nothing”

“Tomo…please” Shannon tried to sooth his lover, full range anger beginning to coil within his belly.

“Please what? You are so fucking selfish Shannon. How could you make money more important then the life of our child…then me? I hate you so much right now you fucking asshole for what you did to me that I don’t know if I can ever forgive you”

Something snapped deep within Shannon at that moment and before he knew what had happened, he looked down and found Tomo staring up at him from the floor holding the right side of his face with eyes full of shock and hurt staring back at him. “Well here’s some good news for you then…” Shannon boomed loudly, leaning forward. “We are over. I’ve spent the last five years bending over backwards to insure that you are always happy…that you always get what you fucking want…but not anymore. Do what the fuck you want because I don’t give a fuck anymore” Unable to look at Tomo any longer he stormed into the bedroom, grabbing an overnight bag from the closet as he stuffed a few needed items into it. He didn’t speak a word or even attempt a glance at Tomo as he strode out of the house, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Shannon drove for hours afterwards and as he drove his mind wandered as he recalled happier times with Tomo, the not so happier times forcing their way in eventually. He tried to hold back his emotions, but eventually he pulled off to the side of a lone road and cried his broken and confused heart out. Exhaustion invaded him afterwards as he continued to sit there trying to figure out when his life had gotten so fucked up and out of control. His heart was begging for him to go back and beg for Tomo’s forgiveness, but his mind and his soul forced him to see the real truth and that truth was that no matter what he did to try and make amends with Tomo, nothing would ever change. The man was selfish and unwilling to listen to reason when his emotions were on high and in truth Shannon just didn’t feel as if there was anything more to salvage.

“I’m ok” He spoke into the phone, holding it to his ear after the ringing brought him out of his thoughts.

“Where the fuck are you?” He heard the concerned voice of his brother.

“Honestly…I don’t know” Shannon replied, looking around and trying to figure out where the hell he was. “I’ve been driving for a couple of hours and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going”

“Tomo’s been looking for you” Jared sounded sober and then angry all rolled into one.

“I don’t care anymore. It’s over Jared” Shannon nearly choked on the words, his heart breaking over and over again.

“I know… and I’m sorry” Jared whispered because he truly was.

“Whatever…” Shannon brushed it aside, not willing to deal with the nightmare of a mess any longer. “I’m going to be heading back towards L.A. now…you ok with me crashing with you for a bit while I look for someplace else to live”

“You know this will always be your home Shan” The younger man replied.

“Thanks bro…it’s late…don’t wait up” Shannon ended the call as he pulled back onto the road he had been driving on, heading back home and the fucked up mess that was waiting there for him.

Weeks flew by and with each day that passed Shannon found himself more lonely and miserable. He missed Tomo more then he cared to admit to himself or any of his friends and family that were constantly trying to get the two of them back together. The fact of that matter was that despite the fact that every fiber of his being wanted to take Tomo back and love him even more then he thought possible, not once had Tomo even made an attempt to show that he felt the same. Shannon was a broken man as he hid in the confines of his brother’s house; not caring that life was going on around him and that with each day that passed his brother grew more and more concerned for him.

“It’s time to get over him and move on Shannon” Jared yelled as his brother, pulling the comforter off of his body as he hid holed up in his bed once again.

“Fuck you Jared…just let me die alone” Shannon screamed at the top of his lungs, reaching for the comforter, giving up and rolling over when he was unable to reach it.

“See that’s the thing brother…that’s not going to happen. I’m not going to let you just give up on your life because of some fucked up Croatian” The younger of the two yelled back, waiting for the explosion he knew was to come.

“Don’t you fucking talk about him like that” Shannon roared, sitting up, glaring hatefully at the man he wanted to throttle in that very moment. “He’s been through a rough time…it’s understandable that he’s acting the way that he is” He didn’t know why he was defending Tomo, but he felt the need to do it just the same.

“And what about you Shannon? You’ve been through this same rough time and even now look at you…your falling apart and ready to just give up on life”

Shannon wanted to smart off at his brother, wanted to continue to defend his former lover and yet he couldn’t as everything horrible that had happened to him in the previous weeks converged upon him all at once. “I’m just so lonely without him” He wailed, hiding his face within his hands as tears and then even more tears blazed down his face. “He was so hurtful…so hateful…acting as if he was the only one that lost in this. I just don’t know what to do anymore Jared. I feel so lost and alone”

“I know you feel lost Shannon…but you’re far from alone” Jared assured as he sat down next to his brother before wrapping his arms around him. He knew what he had done was wrong, but he also knew that Shannon had been holding back since the loss of his child and the break up with his lover and this was what needed to be done so the drummer could get his life back on track.

“He was so mean and hateful. I’ve never heard him talk to me like that…never” His tear production increased as he held onto his brother as of for dear life. “He’s hurt me in the past before Jared…but never like this. He thinks he is the only one that wanted this baby…but I did too. I couldn’t wait to be a father…to watch her grow up. I wanted to be part of her life, knowing that good or bad Tomo and I were going to be there for her. It just hurts so much to know that he blames me for what happened. I just couldn’t let him blackmail us like that…could I?” He looked up at his brother questioningly. “Did I do the wrong thing Jared? Am I really to blame for all of this?”

“Shannon…no” Jared cried out, his heart breaking at just how much hurt and confusion he found staring back at him. “I don’t think you were wrong in the least in what you said to the fucker. Tomo was upset and so he did what he always does…he lashed out at you…he hurt you. It’s perfectly understandable that you’ve finally had enough. Jesus Shannon…it’s been like this for five years. I know you love Tomo but I have to admit that I never understood why you let him get away with so much shit” Jared waited for the standard reply he usually got from his brother whenever this subject came up, funding himself fully stunned when he got a completely different reply that time.

“I don’t know either” Shannon answered, wiping at his face. “I thought that it was because I loved him so much that none of it mattered…but now I just don’t know”

“He’s a selfish prick who never deserved your love” Jared went on, egging Shannon onward because he knew that no matter what had transpired between the two of them that night, they were destined to be together.

“You’re right” Shannon agreed.

“You should go over there and kick his fucking ass”

“I should”

“Give it to him…a piece of your mind that is”

“Yeah…I will” Shannon cried out, heading for the door.

“Shower first…don’t let him think that this break up has been bothering you” Jared had to fight the urge to laugh as Shannon trekked towards the bathroom with a look of pure determination in his eyes. “You blind and stupid fool” Jared chuckled under his breath. “Tomo loves you just as much as you love him and is even more miserable then you are” Digging out his cell phone he dialed the number for Matt, waiting for the man to answer. “Everything set?” He asked when he heard the familiar voice.

“I had to practically put him in the shower myself…but yeah everything’s set. I just left him holed up in their bedroom once again. You sure this is going to work Jared?” Matt asked as he drove back towards him own home.

“I don’t know…but those two belong together and despite the fact that this whole situation is completely fucked up…we can’t let it be the end for them” Jared wanted to say more but he knew he couldn’t put his heart at risk for the man that he still loved like no other. “Bye Mattie…” He said instead before hanging up.

“Tomo…” Shannon called out as he entered their home, finding it empty but only for a moment before a ball of fur came racing into the living room. “Roxi…” Shannon laughed as he dropped to his knees, cradling the puppy to his chest while she licked and kissed all over his face. “I missed you too” He smiled, at the yips and whines that accompanied her facial shower. He felt his anger start to dwindle as he continued to hold the puppy, sadness replacing it when he took his first look around their once immaculate home, finding it messy and unkempt. “Tomo…” He called out again, this time with less anger, placing Roxi back on the floor as he walked deeper into the room, finding a pink baby blanket lying on the sofa. Picking it up he walked into what was supposed to be the babies room, sitting down on the wooden rocking chair as he fingered the tiny blanket.

Tomo watched from the doorway of the room as Shannon continued to hold the pink blanket that his mother had sent to them, rushing into the room and falling to his knees immediately when that same man raised the blanket to his face and started crying within it. Reaching up, he wrapped his arms around Shannon’s neck as together the two of them cried over the loss of what could have been. Somehow Shannon ended up on the floor beside Tomo, the hold they held upon each other never lessoning. “I’m so sorry Shannon” Tomo whispered against his ear. “I was such a stupid fool for thinking that you didn’t want this baby as much as I did”

Shannon didn’t say a word, just closed his eyes and relished the warmth that his former partner was giving him, knowing that despite it all that things could never be the same again. Eventually the tears stopped and each man composed themselves enough to take on the real issue, Shannon finally able to pull away from Tomo as he got up off of the floor and walked towards the other end of the room, because he touch was proving to be to much for him to handle.

“It’s really over this time isn’t it?” Tomo asked with sadness so heavy weighing upon him that he felt as if it were going to drill him into the floor at his feet.

It nearly killed Shannon to hear those words come out of Tomo’s mouth, his response almost enough to finish the job. “Yes…” He replied on a near whisper, turning to face the tearful man he thought he would spend the rest of his life with.

“I know it was wrong of me to say those things to you. I know it’s not your fault that this happened and I also know that you were right in telling that scumbag to fuck off. I’m so sorry Shannon. What do I have to do to prove to you that I never meant to say those things to you? I was just so angry and…”

“That’s the problem” Shannon cut him off mid sentence, a bit of his own anger starting to return. “You get angry and you say things to me…things you know that are going to hurt me and then me like a jackass just forgives you each time. I can’t do that this time. You have no idea how much your words nearly devastated me”

“I do know” Tomo defended as he jumped up and tried to pull Shannon into his arms, only to be pushed away as Shannon stepped out of his reach. “Shannon please…” Tomo begged, as he watched Shannon stand before him a broken man, he just as broken. “Just tell me what I have to do. What can I do or say to prove to you that you mean the world to me…that I love you more then anything?’

“I don’t doubt your love for me Tomo” Shannon explained, trying to keep his composer but with each moment that passed he found it harder and harder. “I know that you love me and you know that I love you…but what I do doubt is your respect for me. You treat me so shitty some times and despite the fact that you know what you are doing and you know that it hurts me…you just keep doing it over and over again because you know in the end I am going to be the bigger person and just forgive you. You blamed me for everything that happened with this baby and yet not once during this entire process did you see or even care that I was suffering just as much as you were. Not only that but you just brought this woman into our home without consulting me first. You planned everything from the shopping to the room décor with this perfect stranger and left me out of the fucking details. Then when this man tried to blackmail us into paying for a child that the both of us wanted and loved…you turned on me. Instead of fighting by my side…you blamed me for everything and then just expected me to forgive you after it was all said and done. I’m only human and I am only a man and I can only take so fucking much Tomo” Tears bled from Shannon’s eyes as he continued. “I am just so fucking angry at you right now that I can’t even stand to be in the same room as you. I just need a break. I need to be away from you…need some time for me to try and deal with everything that has happened and I can’t do that if I have to deal with you as well. Just give me some time to sort things out”

“Will you come back to me?” Tomo asked, his own tears flowing, biting his lip as he waited for Shannon to respond.

“I can’t answer that right now. I just need time to decompress and then I can try and decide what I want to do about us. Please Tomo…I am begging you…just give me some time”

“What about Roxi?” Tomo picked up the whining puppy, which seemed to know that something serious was going on as she looked from one daddy to the other. “Who will she stay with?”

“She can stay with you” Shannon’s heart broke even more at the way Tomo clutched the puppy to his chest as if it was his only friend on the entire planet. “I’d like to be able to come and see her from time to time though”

“Ok…what about the house?”

“You can stay in the house too…it’s your home after all”

“It’s our home Shannon” Tomo reminded, frustrated at the fact that Shannon seemed to have forgotten that and was so willing to just give up on everything that they had created together throughout the years.

“Jared is letting me stay with him until I decide what to do next. If anything changes we can decide what to do from there. I have to go…” Shannon choked on the words as he raced out of the bedroom and the house as fast as his feet could carry him. Devastation vested deep within his heart at the idea that what he and Tomo had once shared was coming to an end, but at the same time he felt a sense of freedom and yet he couldn’t explain why. He knew that for next couple of months, weeks, days it was going to be hell, but he also know that he was strong and no matter what his decision it wasn’t going to break him once and for all, Tomo on the other hand he wasn’t so sure.

Nearly three months had passed since the scene between the two men and each was so miserable and lonely without the other, but putting up the good fight of trying to keep it together. What they didn’t know that with each day that passed, Matt and Jared were struggling right along with them, the weight of it eating them up inside as little by little the once tight knit group began to unravel. All thoughts of a new album disappeared as the once creative Jared focused his full attention on his brother, trying to keep him sane during such a difficult time. Thankfully Tomo had Matt to confide in, but eventually he had to go home to his own family, leaving Tomo so alone once again.

“Let’s do something tonight” Jared hollered to his brother as he sat on a lounge chair, Shannon swimming what Jared was sure was his hundredth lap.

“Ok…what?” Shannon huffed, diving under the water for a second before gliding along the surface once again.

“How about that new club that just opened downtown? I bet we could find someone to make you forget old what’s his name?” Jared dared to tease his brother, hoping that it would knock some sense into his stupid older sibling who he knew he was still missing Tomo like crazy.

“Fuck you Jared” Shannon bit out, coming to a halt as he held himself up by him arms on the side of the pool. “I don’t want to forget Tomo” He finished up under his breath, lying the side of his face on his arm, images in his mind of his former lover causing his heart to hurt

“Then why the fuck are you here and not over there fucking his brains out?” Jared yelled out in frustration, ready to dunk the dumb ass under the water until he saw the light of Tomo once again.

“You know why. Now shut the fuck up about it” Shannon warned, pulling himself out of the pool, dying off with a towel that Jared had thrown at him. “You want to go out…then let’s go out. However…some rules” He pointed at his brother as if to prove his point. “First…don’t try and fix me up with anyone. I am only going to because I feel like it and second if I so much as hear that Tomo is anywhere near that place I will leave so fast your fucking head will spin. Got it?”

“Got it…Jesus Christ…paranoid much” Jared laughed, pushing his brother, towel and all back into the pool before he had a chance to react.

“Paybacks a bitch mother fucker” Shannon cried out after him, unable to stop the smile that crossed his face at just how childlike his younger brother could be sometimes.

“So what time do you want to leave?” Jared asked a couple of hours later as he and Shannon lazed around the living room watching TV. The ringing of Shannon’s cell phone hindering his reply.

His first instinct was to not answer it, but something in his gut told him it was important. “Hello” He spoke into the phone, his heart hammering a mile a minute as he waited for the person on the other end to speak.

“Shannon…” A familiar voice spoke, his heart hammering even more.

“Amy…what’s wrong?” He cried out in alarm, sitting forward on the couch, running his hands though his hair at the sobbing he heard at the end of the line. “Amy…speak to me. What the fuck is going on?” He was near hysterical as he continued to wait, Jared at his side waiting to find out what was going on as well.

“I’m so sorry Shannon” Amy finally spoke up. “I never meant for any of what happened to happen. Adam just breezed back into my life and he promised that things were going to be better…that he loved me and that baby and wanted to start a life with us. I knew I shouldn’t have believed him…but I did and the moment that she was born he wanted to sell her to you and Tomo. I should have known it was all a lie…that the drugs he loves were so much more important”

“The baby…is the baby ok?” Shannon ignored her cries, his only focus on the baby.

“She’s ok Shannon. Are you and Tomo ok?” She asked, knowing that she had no right to ask that but needing to know with what she was about to do and say.

Shannon had to fight the urge to hang up on the woman, but decided against it because he wanted her to know that in part she was the reason that they two of them were no longer together. “How do you think he is?” He questioned angrily. “You promised him the one thing that he’s wanted for so long and then you just took it away. Other then that you would have to call him and ask him how he’s doing since we are no longer together”

“Shannon no…” Amy cried out, her tears increasing at what she had heard. “You and Tomo love each other…you’re the perfect couple…nothing is supposed to tear you apart”

“Well I guess that the perfect couple isn’t so perfect after all” Shannon snapped nastily, pulling the phone away while Jared tried to confiscate it. “Goodbye Amy…you better fucking take care of that baby or I swear to god I will track you down and kill you and that fucked up boyfriend myself”

“Shannon…please don’t hang up” Amy screamed loud as a banshee because she had to make sure that Shannon didn’t hang up on her until she was done with what she had to say.

“What Amy? What more could you possibly want from me?”

“We’re in the hospital” She spoke quickly, tears once again plaguing her. “She’s ok though…but she’s in here because I am”

“I don’t understand” Falling back against the couch he waited for Amy to speak.

“Adam came home last night extremely high. The baby was crying and he kept screaming at me to make her stop. Each time that he yelled she would just scream louder and then he just lost it. He started screaming at me that it was my fault that we couldn’t get the money from you and then he started going for the baby. I jumped in front of him and he started beating me. He’d almost beat me unconscious but I was able to grab a nearby lamp and hit him over the head with it. She’s ok Shannon…” She assured, holding her baby tightly within her arms as she sat up in a hospital bed. “He’s in jail now and he will be for a long time”

“Why are you calling to tell me this Amy?” Shannon asked, his heart beating so fast that he felt light headed and ready to pass out.

“I can’t take care of her Shannon and I know that you and Tomo can” Amy sobbed harder, holding the phone so tightly to her ear that her hand started to hurt.

“Tomo and I aren’t together anymore” Shannon reminded her sadly.

“Shannon you love Tomo and you know that no matter what has happened the two of you belong together. I’ve signed all the necessary papers once again and because Adam’s being charged with attempted murder and will be in jail for a very long time, he’s lost his rights as a parent. All you need to do is come and get her Shannon and then you and Tomo can raise her as your own”

Shannon could not control the sobbing that inhabited his body as he learned into his brother’s shoulder, worming in deeper when a protective arm surrounded him. “What…what did you name her?” He stammered, asking such a simple question despite how major the situation was.

“Rose…” Amy smiled at the slumbering child in he arms. “I remember Tomo saying something about it…”

“Being his favorite flower” Shannon finished for her, a smile breaking across his face.

“Shannon…please call Tomo. Do what you have to do...but do something. Your child needs her two fathers” Amy’s heart was breaking with each word that was spoken, but despite that she couldn’t help but feel a bit of joy at the idea that Tomo and Shannon would be the one raising her child.

“Bringing this baby home won’t fix what’s already been broken” Shannon spoke, crying out in shock when Jared snagged the phone from him and ran to the other side of the room.

“Amy…tell me what we have to do” He demanded of her, rushing past Shannon when he tried to get the phone back. “I know…fucking idiots the both of them” He grinned at his brother, sticking out his tongue as he ran away from him once again. “Don’t worry I’ll call Tomo now and we will be there within the hour” Hanging up the phone he continued to run throughout the house, dialing Tomo’s number in the process. “Tomo…you fuck…get dressed Shannon and you are about to become daddies and this time it’s for real” Jared laughed, at the out burst of cursing he heard behind him as he ducked Shannon once again. “It doesn’t matter what I mean…just have your ass ready. Shannon and I will be there in twenty minutes”

“What the fuck did you do that for?” Shannon roared, grabbing the phone from Jared and tossing it across the room in irritation and anger. “What do you think that this is going to prove? It’s fucking over…why can’t the two of you see that?”

“Because it’s not fucking over” Jared stood before his brother, placing his hands upon his shoulders, staring deeply into his eyes. “Everyone one knows this…even you two idiots and yet you refuse to admit it”

“Why are you all of a sudden on the Tomo bandwagon?” Shannon asked, wanting to believe that things could change over night, but the mature side of his knew that nothing was that simple, even his love for Tomo. “You’re the one who always told me that I gave him too much…that I gave in too quickly”

“You love Tomo…I get that. I’ve always gotten that. I just wanted to give you some shit because you are one lucky son of a bitch to find your soul mate and Tomo is your soul mate. So things won’t be so perfect at the beginning. Maybe you will have to fight to get back what you had…go to counseling…or maybe it will take one small little baby to change all of that. Whatever you have to do…do it because you are both fucking miserable without each other. Now…get your fucking ass out that door and into my car so we can go get your soul mate and pick up your daughter”

“Yeah?” Shannon asked with so much hope in his eyes that it caused Jared to get teary eyed.

“Yeah…now lets go” Jared smiled, hugging his brother before they both ran for the car parked outside.

“This can’t be real” Tomo spoke in astonishment as Jared retold the story as they drove towards the hospital.

“It’s real…” Jared boasted with a laugh.

“Shannon…” Tomo spoke his name hesitantly as they locked eyes in the rearview mirror. “What does that mean for us? How will we raise her since we’re not together anymore?”

“I don’t know” Shannon spoke truthfully, looking away for a moment because he could read such hope in Tomo’s dark eyes, quickly being replaced by pain at his words. “We’ll figure it out… but for right now all that matters is getting that little girl”

“You came” Amy gushed, looking past the lawyer in the room with her at the knock on the door, smiling as it was slowly opened to reveal the three nervous men.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Jared snapped, locking evil eyes on the lawyer who had shared the terrible news months prior, breaking his brother’s and Tomo’s heart.

“He’s here to make it legal” Amy responded, ignoring Jared after that as she took in the two huddled figures standing back, neither of them saying a word. “Would you like to hold your daughter?” She asked, noticing once again how neither seemed to be able nor willing to move. “Shannon…Tomo…please don’t make this any harder then it already is” She spoke softly, holding the baby up when Shannon finally took the necessary steps to get to his daughter.

With shaking hands he reached out and accepted the tiny bundle, tears once again glistening within his eyes as he looked down upon her slumbering frame. “She’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen” He spoke softly, cuddling her to his chest as he continued to stare upon her beauty.

“She is beautiful” Jared agreed, tearful himself as he watched his brother hold his niece. “Jesus…I wish I had thought to bring a camera” He cried out in frustration, a huge smile gracing his face a moment later when Matt stumbled in with camera in hand.

“Good thing you keep me around” Matt laughed, fumbling with his digital camera as he began to snap pictures left and right. “Sorry it took me so long to get here. M.J. just refused to settle down once I told him that I was going to see his new baby cousin. Wow…she really is a beauty isn’t she?” He ginned down that the baby who seemed wide awake as she took in the faces hovering around her. “What’s her name?” Matt asked. “I don’t think anyone ever told me”

“Rose Renee” Shannon smiled up at his friend, turning around to face his former lover at the intake of breath that he heard. “Tomo…” He held out the squirming infant, confusion filling him as the man in question continued to stand before him unmoving.

Tomo couldn’t take his eyes off of the baby outstretched before him, dying to touch her and yet so scared that if he did that it would turn out to be a dream. “It’s ok…it’s not a dream” Shannon said, reading his thoughts as always as he walked over to him, lying her in his arms. “Rosie…meet your daddy” Shannon smiled at his daughter; wrapping an arm around Tomo as together they shared in such an important moment of their lives.

Amy could only watch in stunned amazement at just how perfect the three of them looked together, just how much of a family they were as Matt and Jared looked on, all her early doubts vanishing in that moment. “John…” She whispered, tugging on the back of the lawyer’s shirt to get his attention. “It’s time” With a nod, he turned his attention back to Tomo and Shannon, clearing his throat to get their attention.

“We just need the two of you to sign a few things and then the adoption process will be finalized. Once that’s done you can take you new baby home” Tomo barely heard his words as he continued to gaze at his lovely daughter, Shannon stepping away as he walked over towards Amy.

“I’d like to speak to Amy alone before we do anything” Shannon spoke to the room, “Tomo…I’d like you to stay” He watched a full range of emotions play across Amy’s face before she nodded to the lawyer, everyone except Tomo and the baby taking their leave.

“I’m not going to change my mind this time Shannon…I promise” Amy assured, fighting tears as she locked eyes with the man.

“I know you won’t” Shannon replied with a sad smile as he sat down in a chair next to the bed. “I just want you to make sure that this is what you want to do before we sign anything” Looking at Tomo he saw a look of concern cross his face before he looked away from Shannon as if he knew what he was about to say. “As I told you on the phone Tomo and I are no longer together and not even sure how we are going to work this out” He turned to look at Tomo again, noticing that time the hurt and sadness he had witnessed earlier on their drive up to the hospital upon his face once again.

“I know that what happened with Adam and me put a lot of strain on your relationship…but there is no doubt in my mind that you can work though this and be a family” Amy spoke, reaching out and taking Shannon’s hand into her own. “You both are strong and you love each other so much…this problem is now fixed”

“That was only part of the problem” Tomo voice sounded from behind them, walking over to the bed as he laid the baby back in her mother’s arms. “Shannon had ever right to leave me because ever since we’ve been together…even before that I’ve been a selfish prink. I know this…” He looked meaningfully at Shannon before focusing back to Amy. “And he’s right. I’ve probably messed up any chance of him ever forgiving me and us getting back together…so if you don’t want us to adopt her any longer then I…we understand” He happened a glance at Shannon, tears springing to his ear as he fought them back at the stone face he found staring back at him.

“I don’t give a fuck whatever problems you two are having right now because all that matters is that you raise my daughter together. So work it out…and do it quick” She growled under her breath, irritated that she was trying to do the right thing and they seemed to be blocking her at every angle. “You two belong together and no matter what you think…you know it as well. Please…just work it out. I chose you to raise my daughter…to make her a part of your family…so don’t make me regret my decision. I love you angle” She smiled tearfully down at the child she knew she would never see again. “You be good for your new daddies. Listen to what they say because with their guidance I know that you will grow up to be an amazing person” Leaning in she kissed Tomo and Shannon’s daughter tenderly upon her cheek, before handing her back to Tomo. “Love her…love each other and please I am begging you take care of her. Now go…” She smiled at them, hiccupping from her tears and the pain lodged deep within her throat as she watched Tomo walk away with the baby in his arms. “Shannon…” She called out to him as he got up to leave. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure…” He replied, sitting back down as he watched Tomo strap their daughter into her car seat.

“When she old enough to understand…will you give this letter to her?” She asked as she reached into the drawer next to the bed. “You can read it if you want. It tells her a little bit about me…but most importantly it tells her why I had to give her up. I just want her to know that I did what was best for her”

“These are your private words and I have no business reading them…but I will gladly give this to her when she’s old enough. I know that this was a tough situation for you Amy and you have no idea how grateful Tomo and I are for giving us this opportunity to raise a child. Thank you” He leaned forward and hugged the women, noticing for the first time the extent of her damages. “I’ll get with John in the morning and transfer some money into your account”

“No…I don’t want any money” She declared. “This baby isn’t for sale and don’t argue with me” She cut Shannon off before he had a chance to say anything. “Just love her and raise her right” She smiled, taking one last look at the child before turning onto her side, alerting the two that it was time to leave. Neither said a word as they walked out of the room, expecting to be stopped or to be told that it was all a colossal joke, but all they found was Matt and Jared waiting anxiously for them.

“Everything ok?” Jared asked.

“Everything’s fine” Shannon smiled, hugging his brother and then Matt before wrapping an arm around Tomo’s shoulder. “Let’s go home” He smiled at the man he still loved. “Well work out the details as they come along” He assured, smiling at the baby before he began to lead them out of the hospital.

“Are you sure about this?” Jared asked as he and his brother stood outside of the home Tomo and Shannon were about to start sharing again.

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my lifetime” Shannon smiled as much as he could for his brother’s sake, but it truth he wasn’t so sure of anything anymore. “She’s my daughter and she’s finally here…I can’t not be here”

“What about Tomo?”

“I don’t know what to do about Tomo honestly. I mean…this really changes nothing that has happened between us”

“Shannon you can’t look at me and say that you don’t still love him”

“No I can’t…but I can’t just forget about everything that has happened before this or what he said”

“I think you are being ridicules”

“I know you do…but you’ve got my back regardless” Shannon chuckled, punching his brother playfully in the arm.

“I always will” Jared replied with an honest truth as he hugged his brother as if to prove it. “You’re a daddy now” He smiled, still unable to believe that Shannon’s life had just changed so drastically.

“I know…can you believe it?” Shannon beamed as he headed for the front door. “I’d better get in there and see how she and Tomo are doing. Thanks Jared for everything” He hugged his brother quickly once again before heading back inside. “Everything ok?” Shannon whispered softly as he quietly entered his daughter’s room and found Tomo standing before the bassinet, looking down at their slumbering child.

“Everything’s perfect” Tomo smiled, it turning into a frown a moment later. “Well not everything” He sighed as he and Shannon exited the room, Shannon taking the baby monitor with him. “What about us Shannon?” He asked, knowing the answer wasn’t going to be one that he liked by the look on Shannon’s face.

“I can’t answer that right now” Shannon spoke, his heart breaking as the words escaped over his lips. “For the time being I’ll sleep in the guest room and we can just go from there”

“Alright…” Tomo replied sadly. “Do you want me to take that with me” He indicated towards the baby monitor in Shannon’s hand.

“No…you go and get some rest and then we can switch off as needed. Night Tomo” He didn’t wait for Tomo to respond as he headed off towards the guest room because he knew if he stayed one moment more he was going to pull a saddened Tomo into his arms and never let him go again.

Days quickly turned into weeks and weeks into months, as Tomo and Shannon fell into somewhat of a pattern, where they got to know each other all over again, but that time only as friends. They also shared many firsts with there new daughter and with each one they found themselves falling deeper and deeper in love with her. Everything seemed to be running perfectly, until one night when a simple cough from an infant child sent their perfect and inexperienced worlds into a tail spin.

“This cough seems to be getting worse” Tomo rushed out as he held the screaming infant in his arms, Shannon beside him taking her temperature.

“Her temperature has risen as well” He replied, searching though the book on everything baby that he and Tomo referred to religiously. “We’ve done everything that we can do. I’ll call Dr. Jennings and let her know that we are heading into the emergency room” He called out over his shoulder as he dug his cell phone out of his pocket and called the doctor’s number that he knew by heart. “She’s going to meet us there” He came back into the room, taking Rose from Tomo as he instructed him on preparing them for their trip. Twenty minutes later found them in a private exam room with a sleepy looking private doctor providing a full examination on their daughter. “We’re so sorry to bother you this late” Shannon apologized for the tenth time as he paced the small room nervously behind her, Tomo sitting in a nearby chair biting the shit out of his nails. “We just didn’t know what else to do” He looked at Tomo, grabbing onto his hand in order to stop the continued destruction of said nails.

“Shannon…its ok” The doctor smiled over her shoulder before turning her attention back towards the baby. “It’s why you pay me the big bucks” She laughed, putting Shannon and Tomo immediately at ease. “The fevers broke and other then a small cough she seems to be fine” She assured, picking up the tiny bundle, cooing to her before handing her back to Tomo. “You did everything right…congratulations daddies…you’ve got through your first of what will be many tiny emergencies” She smiled at two of her favorite fathers, still impressed despite several meeting before hand and everything she knew about them and their relationship at just how in tune they were with the child they had adopted. “Now…take her home and give her these” She walked to the other end of the room, digging in a cabinet before handing over a bottle of medicine. “Twice a day until gone and stop worrying…she’s ok…really” She patted them both on the back, shaking their hands before the family left her.

“She’s finally asleep” Shannon yawned, taking one final look at their sleeping infant before following Tomo into the bedroom they used to share. “You did good” He laughed as he watched an exhausted former lover fall backwards onto the bed, reaching across to check that the baby monitor was on before stretching out fully across it.

“You too Shan” Tomo fought a yawn, but was powerless to stop it.

“We are just that awesome” The drummer grinned, sitting down the on edge of the bed, exhausted beyond belief. “Man…I forgot how comfortable this bed was” He ran his hands along the comforter, dying to lie down and sleep upon it, but not feeling comfortable enough with Tomo yet to do it.

“We bought it for your back remember?” Tomo recalled, with a sigh as he remembered the first time he and Shannon had made love on the comfortable bed. “I was so mad at you when you wanted to buy it because of how much it cost…but it was the best purchase you ever made” He smiled tiredly, sitting up as he tugged on the back of Shannon’s shirt. “Come on…lie down. We’re both tired and need the rest since I am sure our precious girl will be up in a few hours for a change and bottle” He didn’t wait for Shannon to respond as he pulled himself tiredly off of the bed, rummaging through a few drawers in the dresser before heading into the bathroom.

Shannon debated leaving and sleeping in his own room, the urge to sleep in his old bed to hard to deny as he gave in and stretched out fully, a sigh omitting from his lips once his head hit the pillow. Reaching over his ran his hand along the place where Tomo had been lying moments before, missing the man so much despite the fact that they lived in the same house. Before he knew what was happening he found his eyes fluttering before they became too heavy for him to hold open anymore, clueless to that fact that he had a visitor watching him from the doorway.

“Jesus I miss you Shannon” Tomo whispered as he laid down next to the sleeping man, his eyes mapping over his face as if trying to soak in the closeness that they no longer shared. He had to admit that he was thankful that they were at least friends, but the closeness that they once had shared wasn’t there anymore. In fact Tomo found that Shannon went out of his way to avoid any touching or closeness at all and with each incident it broke his already broken heart even more. “Will you ever forgive me Shannon?” He asked, sighing heavily when he received a snore in reply. Unable to look at the man of his heart any longer, Tomo rolled onto his back, closing his eyes, falling asleep immediately.

Hours later, Shannon woke with a start, trying to get his bearings around him as he flashed his eyes around the dark room, realizing where he was he checked the status of his daughter, finding her still sleeping as he looked at her thought the monitor. Leaning back he finally realized just how close Tomo was lying next to him on his side, the heat of his body soaking into his skin as he closed his eyes and relished the sensation his body had been craving. Shifting over, he wrapped his arm around Tomo’s waist, foreheads together as he ignored the screaming from his mind sending warning bells and signals that he needed to pull back and leave the room immediately. Closing his eyes instead, he once again leaned in a bit further, finally content after nearly a year apart, only to open them as Tomo shifted his body a bit. Forehead to forehead and eye to eye they gazed at each other, neither saying a word, but their hearts speaking loud enough for them.

Tomo’s heart was beating so frantically within his chest that he found it almost impossible to breathe as he lost himself within green depths that seemed to be staring into his soul. He was dying for Shannon to speak a word, make a move anything other then the total silence that seemed to be engulfing him until he felt the need to draw back or break down like a sobbing child in Shannon’s arms. “I guess I got to close” He spoke softly, preparing to roll away, but stopping at a hand upon his arm.

“Don’t…” Shannon replied in such a soft way that Tomo wasn’t sure if he heard him. “Don’t go. I’d forgotten how nice you are to hold” He smiled shyly, his eyes never leaving those of Tomo’s.

“I’d forgotten how nice it was to be held by you” He smiled back, a full blush racing across his face as he closed his eyes for only a moment before locking them with Shannon’s once again. “I’ve missed it” He dared to speak, holding his breath when Shannon sat up, preparing to apologize for his blunder, but unable to speak when Shannon rolled him onto his back, leaning over him for a quick second before gently covering Tomo’s lips with his own. The small gasp that omitted across Tomo’s lips was greedily swallowed by Shannon as he continued with his kiss, asking permission to increase the intensity, getting an undeniable yes as Tomo wrapped his arms around Shannon’s neck, pulling him closer as he opened himself up to him fully.

Shannon felt as if he were home for the very first time in a long time as he effortlessly slid his tongue into Tomo’s mouth, it working gentle circles around the flesh until his need for more pushed him onward. The kiss was warm and heated and so familiar that if not for the desperation of the kiss, Shannon felt as if he were going to lose it in the form of unabashed tears. He couldn’t help a moan of want that spilled forward when manly hands, hands of a guitarist worked their way under his shirt, feeling, touching, and exploring his back as it ached upwards for even more. His hands didn’t remain idol either as one wound its way into Tomo’s hair, the other feeling its way down his side, eventually gliding under the cotton shirt covering a trembling stomach that Shannon long to feel and taste.

“Shannon…” Tomo whimpered when their first reacquainted kiss ended, instead Shannon zeroing in on the tender spot on the right side of his neck that always drove him insane. “Shit…” He cried out, jerking up the lower part of his body in such a way as to get some friction for a dick that was so hard and ready that he knew he was going to lose it if Shannon continued with his torture. As expected Shannon went on, nipping and sucking to such as extent that Tomo, like an inexperienced teenager exploded all over the inside of his pajama pants. “Fuck…” He cried out through his orgasm, feeling amazing and so completely embarrassed all rolled into one. “I’m so sorry” Tomo whispered, his face flushed and red.

“It’s ok” Shannon smiled down at him. “I’m close too” He spoke truthfully, his dick hard and leaking as it strained against the jeans he had never bothered to remove before bed. He didn’t know what he was doing, or maybe he did and either way he didn’t care as he lifted Tomo’s hand up, lying it on top of his painful member as if to prove his point. “Jesus…” He sighed in Tomo’s face before he began to rub that hand up and down the front of his pants. Tomo took the hint without hesitation as he grabbed as much of Shannon’s penis as he could wishing that there wasn’t a couple of layers of material between him and it, but willing to take what he had just the same. Up and down he rubbed, knowing Shannon was close by the heavy breathing blasting across his lips. He had always found Shannon sexy from the very first time he had laid eyes upon him so many years ago, but he always found him his sexiest when he was in the throws of passion and about to blow his wad. Increasing the pressure, he watched as Shannon’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, a warm wetness seeping though his jeans as he came hard, crying out loudly as he did.

For a few moments the two continued to lie there, so close physically and yet emotionally feelings so far apart. “Shannon…” Tomo whispered Shannon’s name as their eyes remained locked on each other. “What just happened here?” He hated to ask, but knew that if he hadn’t then the moment would be lost forever.

“Tomo…I…” Shannon went to speak, not quite sure what he was about to say, finding himself extremely thankful at the screaming child they heard from the monitor. “I’ll take care of her…you get cleaned up” Shannon spoke quickly over his shoulder as he exited the room before Tomo could speak, his thoughts mumbled and confused as he pushed them aside and focused on the daughter that needed him. “What do you think daddy should do?” He asked his little girl quietly as he rocked her back and forth in the rocking chair. “I love your daddy so much and I miss him more then I could every explain to anyone and yet I am so afraid” He knew that Rose had no idea what he was talking about as she continued to look up at him with sleepy eyes, but it felt nice to speak it out loud just the same. “You want to know the truth?” He smiled down at his daughter. “The truth is that tonight for the first time since he and I broke up I felt whole again. I miss him so much and it kills me to be so close to him and not be able to touch him. I could forgive him so easily and everything could go back to the way that it was...but at the same time it’s the reason I keep my distance from him because I know that I could never be happy if things went back to the way that they were” Shannon sighed, so fully frustrated as he kissed Rose softly upon her cheek. “Don’t listen to your crazy old man” He chuckled sadly, kissing her once again, watching as she drifted off to sleep before placing her back in her crib. “Night Rosie” Turning he found Tomo standing in the doorway, tears in his eyes. “Tomo…” He cried out in shock, both watching as Rose stirred for a moment before drifting off to sleep again.

Tomo didn’t speak a word as he reached out and took Shannon’s hand, leading him out of their daughter’s bedroom. He remained silent until they had reached the living room before he turned around and kissed Shannon softly. His lips remained upon Shannon’s as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders squeezing his body as close to his as he dared. “I’m so sorry about everything” He spoke around the hug and kisses he continued to share with Shannon, the problem was that Shannon wasn’t returning them. “I just miss you so much Shannon and I can’t stand to be apart from you any longer either” Stepping back he locked tear filled eyes on equally tear filled eyes, his hands never leaving the comfort of Shannon’s body. “Just listen to me” He spoke louder when Shannon tried to step away. “Shannon…we can’t do this anymore. I know that you still love me and I know that you’re afraid that nothing has changed in the time that we’ve been apart…but you have to know that I’ve changed. I’ve had a lot of time to think about the last fives years and I understand why you had to leave me. You’ve been so patient and loving with me from the very beginning and all I’ve ever done is take from you and never give back and you have no idea who sorry I am about that. I also know that I’ve made promises before to change…but I have changed this time Shannon. I’ve grown up a lot in these last months and although I can’t show you those changes right now…all I can ask is that you believe me and gradually see them for yourself”

“I’m afraid” Shannon admitted, reaching out and cupping the side of Tomo’s face tenderly as his body craved to touch him, to be close to him in any way.

“I know you are baby and so am I. I’m so afraid that I am going to fuck this up so badly that you will leave me for good and I can’t let that happen Shannon” Tomo replied sadly, pulling Shannon just a bit closer. “Tell me that you love me Shannon. Tell me that you forgive me and that we can start over. I need you baby…I need you so fucking much that I can’t breath”

“I need you too” Shannon rasped, giving up the battle he had been fighting for far to long as he wrapped his arms tightly around Tomo’s waist, crushing the man against him with no pretenses of ever letting him go. “And I never stopped loving you for one single moment that we were apart”

“I love you too” Tomo sighed, unable to stop crying as he held onto Shannon in a bone crushing grip that he took both of their breaths away. “Bed?” Tomo questioned as he looked up at the man who owned his heart, mind and soul, biting his lip as he waited for Shannon’s response.

“Bed…” Shannon smiled as he reached out and took Tomo’s hand, the two of them walking back into the room that they had shared. Stripping down to under garments, they prepared themselves for bed, immediately clinging to each other in joy that they were finally taking the necessary steps to patch up their rocky relationship, but also in fear that it could all be a dream and they could wake up and find things the way that they had been before hand. They both wanted to take it to the next level, but just being together proved to be enough for the moment as still locked together they both fell asleep, happy and content at least for the moment.

For several weeks afterwards, they continued to work on the relationship that meant so much to each of them, spending every moment alone that they could find together talking about what had happened in the past and what they each wanted from their future. The rest of the time was spent taking care of the child that held their hearts within her hands, watching as day by day she grew older, learned something new, and just when they didn’t think that they could love her anymore, she would flash a beautiful baby smile at them and they were proved wrong yet again. The fact of that matter was that Tomo and Shannon were well on their way to a full recovery, not only loving their daughter with an all fired passion, but each other as well. Life was happy and wonderful once again, their families relived that they were finally able to get though what they hoped to be the last hurdle of their lives.

However, although Jared was happy that his brother and Tomo were finally able to work through their problems and get their life back on track, he himself felt as if his life was empty and void and missing something. At first he thought it was the idea of being with someone, but after many failed attempts at dating he quickly found that that wasn’t his problem, the answer coming to him as he sat in his room late one night looking through one of his many musical diaries. It was filled with song ideas, notes and comments, each one ready to be taken from the page and made into beautiful music. Since Shannon was no longer his focus he found his creativity growing and spiking and ready to explode into something wonderful. He was ready to once again work on their next endeavor and that thought alone brought a smile to his face, giving him the answer to what his life had been lacking. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject to the two new daddies who had practically forgotten that they were musicians and on the record labels payroll. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he knew for his sake and his sanity it had to be something that was done fast.

Shannon was up to something, Tomo could tell by the quick glances he kept shooting his way and the secretive smile across his face. He had been like that for days and as much as he was dying to know what this great secret was, he had to admit that he liked the anticipation of it as well. “Why don’t you go and get Rosie ready for bed and I’ll clean up the dishes” Tomo smiled as his lover as he began to clear the table of the dinner they had just shared.

“You got it” Shannon winked as he pushed himself away from the table, taking Rosie out of her high chair before he made his way into her bedroom. Humming to himself, he quickly readied the baby for bed, singing to her softly as he laid her down in her crib as she drifted off for the night. With a final glance he left the room, hearing Tomo humming to himself from the kitchen as he walked into the living room, turning the lights down low before powering up the stereo as a slow melody began to play around them. “Hey sexy…” He smiled at his partner as he walked into the kitchen and found him putting the clean dishes away.

“Sexy huh?” Tomo smiled at Shannon as he continued to put the dishes away.

“Very sexy…” Shannon drawled with a smile as he entered the kitchen, taking the dish out of Tomo’s hand, placing it on the counter as he took his empty hand and led him into the living room. “I don’t know what it is…but I found you quite sexy when you are being all domestic” He smiled, wrapping his arms around Tomo’s waist as he pulled him closer.

“You want to dress me up in a French maid uniform and have your way with me then?” Tomo giggled, his arms working their way around Shannon’s neck as the drummer laid his head upon his chest.

“An idea that I will have to keep in the back of my mind for later” Shannon looked up at him with a grin before kissing the man that he loved quite soundly. “Tonight I just want it to be about the romance”

“Mmmm…I like the sound of that” Tomo sighed, thankful once again that he and Shannon were back together. “I love you Shannon” It was a phrase that he found himself never tired of saying as they swayed to the gentle music, each happy and content to be in each other’s arms where they belonged.

“Love you too Tomo” A gentle whisper against Tomo’s chest that caused the guitarist’s heart to swell double in size at the truth he heard in those words. “I’ve got a surprise for you…but you have to wait until tomorrow night to get it”

“Oh…what kind of surprise?” Tomo asked, unable to stop that blush that spread across his cheeks at his impatience.

“Can’t tell you until tomorrow…but you’re going to love it baby I promise” Shannon teased some more, leaning upwards as he once again kissed his lover.

“You’re evil you know that” Tomo mocked in pretend anger, only to have it turn into a sigh when Shannon kissed him yet again before taking his hand and leading them towards the couch where they proceeded to kiss and cuddle until it was time for them to head off to bed.

“What do you mean Libby can’t baby sit tonight?” Shannon cried out the next afternoon as he paced the length of his bedroom as he spoke to Matt on the phone. “She promised to take care of Rosie tonight while I took Tomo out. Tonight’s very important Matt and you know why” He quieted his voice as not to alert Tomo to his upset and his plans scheduled for later that night.

“I know how important tonight is Shannon…but Libby’s mother fell down and hurt her hip and she had to fly out to Boston to help her. It’s not going to be a problem though because I’ve already talked to Jared and he and I have agreed to take care of her” Matt tried to sooth his friend, growing irritated at how impossible he was being.

“Jared…are you insane. As much as I love my brother and as much as I know that he loves his niece…there is no way that he is ready to baby sit a seven month old alone”

“Shannon…are you even fucking listening to me? I will be there as well. I am raising my own son remember and I think that together we can handle your daughter. Besides by the time you leave she will already be in bed…it’s all good. I think we can handle it”

Shannon wanted to say something, but he knew he was being ridicules because no matter how much he loved his daughter and was always worried for her safety, he knew that Matt and Jared together were qualified enough to take care of his precious. “Ok…you’re right and I’m sorry. It’s just…” He trailed off unable to finish his sentence.

“It’s just that you love your daughter so much that you don’t want anything to happen to her…I get that. But really Shan…we can do this. Take Tomo out tonight and make him the happiest man on the planet. Jared and I will take care of your daughter…no worries”

“Our reservations are at eight…so be here no later then seven” He said reluctantly, apologizing and thanking Matt before he hung up the phone.

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” Tomo asked as Shannon walked into the living room, finding Tomo playing on the floor with their daughter, toys spread out all around them. “I was thinking about making some baked chicken and some sort of a pasta dish” He smiled at his lover as he sat down beside him, that smile growing when Rosie crawled over towards Shannon, hands outstretched once she reached him.

“You’ll have to keep your apron in the drawer tonight” Shannon smiled at his lover, kissing Rosie on the cheek before placing her back on the floor. “I’m taking you out tonight”

“Out? But what about the baby?” He asked in surprise.

“I’ve got all that worked out” Shannon replied with a grin as he leaned over and kissed his reluctant partner on the lips. “We have reservations at eight and the sitter will be here about seven. You go and get ready and I’ll take care of Rosie” He kissed Tomo again, urging him onward with a jerk of his neck and a loving smile before he focused his whole attention of his daughter and the book she seemed to be destroying. Twenty minutes later it was Shannon’s turn to prepare for their date, humming and smiling to himself at what he hoped was going to happen later that night.

“Are you fucking insane?” Tomo spoke quietly under his breath as he rushed into the room while Shannon was sitting on the bed putting his socks on. “Jared and Matt are you sitters?”

“I know…I was reluctant at first but Jared loves Rosie to death and Matt is raising M.J. with Libby and look how great he turned out” Shannon defended the two he wasn’t so sure about either. “Besides I had asked Libby first but it seems her mother has hurt herself and she had to go back home to help her out”

“Well maybe we can reschedule it for another time” Tomo said hopefully, not that he didn’t trust the two men he loved like brothers, but he would have been reluctant with anyone taking care of his child without him there.

“She’ll be ok” Shannon assured, getting up and pulling Tomo into his arms. “I was reluctant at first too…but like I said Matt’s done this before and I trust Jared. Besides…I’ve already left all the numbers that they might need on the refrigerator” He laughed as he looked down at his lover. “We need this night out baby. She’ll be ok…I promise”

“Ok…” Tomo smiled quickly as Shannon shared a kiss with him before walking back into the living room where the two uncles were entertaining their niece.

“So are you going to let us baby sit this little cutie or not?” Jared asked, diverting his eyes from the baby for a mere moment as he looked at Tomo, before focusing them back on what he was sure was the cutest baby on the planet.

“If one hair on her head is so much as moved then your fucking ass is mine” Tomo joked, but with a hint of seriousness in those words as well.

“Don’t worry daddy…Uncle Mattie will make sure that Uncle Jared plays nice with baby. Besides…she’s about his maturity level anyways” Matt teased, ducking the stuffed animal being thrown his way. “Ass…” He kidded some more, watching the way that Shannon and Tomo’s puppy kept sneaking her way into Jared’s lap, despite his many attempts of pushing her off. “Awww…seems like you have an admirer” His laughter was contagious as the determined puppy once again crawled into Jared’s lap, looking up at him with such sorrowful puppy dog eyes.

“No accounting for taste” Shannon breezed into the room, dressed to the nines as he scooped up the puppy and placed a playful kiss upon her nose. “You can do so much better” He laughed at the rude gesture Jared shot him, getting up off of the floor before snatching the puppy out of his hand.

“Well you are cuter then some of the women that I’ve been with” He giggled when the puppy leaned forward and licked him across the lips. “And you kiss better too” Laughter could be heard all around as placed the puppy back on the floor before turning his attention to his brother. “Now…you and Tomo go out and have a wonderful time” He mocked gayly as he placed his hands upon his shoulders and started pushing him towards the front door. “Go out…have fun but since Matt and I are both here when you come back later I’d like to speak with the two of you” He looked between Shannon and Tomo. “It’s nothing horrible. There are just a few things we need to discuss about that band” He assured at the looks of uneasiness on both of their face. “Now go…she’s going to be fine” He smiled, watching as Matt picked up baby Rose, speaking baby talk to her as he did.

“The phone number to the restaurant is on the fridge. I’m not sure but we may go out for a drink afterwards and that number is on there as well. Tomo and I both have our cell phones on and I want you to promise me that you will call us if anything happens. Promise me Jay” He demanded when Jared rolled his eyes at his nervousness.

“Yes daddy…I promise” He whined, grabbing Tomo by the cuff of his dress shirt before dragging him over towards his lover. “She’ll be fine. I’ll…we’ll take good care of her…you’re not the only ones who worry and love her you know” He spoke truthfully, walking away from the two as he stood beside Matt. “Go…” He pointed towards the door.

“Love you angle” Tomo cooed as he rushed over to his daughter, kissing her noisily upon her cheek, Shannon doing the same before they headed out. “Thanks guys…” Tomo smiled a genuine smile at the two best friends; Shannon taking his hand as they finally left the house.

“Jesus…could those to worry anymore” Jared sighed, falling backwards on the couch, Roxi jumping in his lap the moment that he did. “What the hell is it with this dog?” He grinned as he petted the bundle of fur; he hated to admit he had grown quit fond of.

“So where are we going?” Tomo asked, unable to stop smiling at his lover as they drove towards their destination.

“It’s a surprise” Shannon chuckled, reaching over and setting his hand upon Tomo’s knee, a smile crossing his face when Tomo set his hand atop his. “I love you”

“Love you to Shannon” Tomo sighed, happy and content in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Reservation for two under Leto” Shannon spoke to the man standing behind a podium as they entered one of the fancier restaurants in the Hollywood area.

“Right this way sir” The man smiled with an air of snobbery as he noticed how close the two men seemed to be standing, not liking the look of it at all.

“This is nice” Tomo smiled across the table at his partner as they sat in semi silence after the main course dishes had been cleared. “You ok?” He asked when Shannon hadn’t answered and actually seemed as if he wanted to vomit. “You look as if you are about to blow chunks”

“Yeah…no…I’m ok” Shannon stammered as he smiled as much as he could at Tomo, not wanting to alert him as to just how close to the truth he was. His hands were a sweaty mess as he hid them under the table, wiping them on his slacks, one hand lingering on a bulge in his pocket. He didn’t know why he was so nervous because it wasn’t like he hadn’t played what he was about to do over and over in his head for the last several years. Hell, truth be told he had wanted it a lot longer then that as he took a deep breath and prepared for yet another life changing moment. “Tomo…” Shannon spoke up a bit louder then he intended as most of the patrons of the establishment turned and looked at him. “Sorry…” He murmured a blush raging across his cheeks as he ducked his head.

“You really don’t look good” Tomo spoke softly as he reached out across the table for Shannon to take his hand. “Maybe we should call it a night”

Sliding his hand into his pocket, he pulled out the tiny felt box, hiding it in the palm of his hand as he laid it on the table, gliding it across the table until it was under Tomo’s palm. Pulling back he watched a look of confusion fall upon Tomo’s face, that confusion turning to that of pure joy and happiness once he realized what the box represented. “Open it…” Shannon urged with a smile, pulling his hand back under the table as he wrung them in wait.

“Shannon…” Tomo whispered with a quake within his voice as he opened the box and found two beautiful silver bands. “Yes…” He blurted out, blushing like mad at his eagerness of his answer before Shannon had even asked.

“Yes…” Shannon repeated with a radiant smile upon his lips as he got up from his chair, walking around to Tomo as he took the box of out Tomo’s hand before falling to one knee. “So you think you want to spend the rest of your life with this old man?” He teased, taking Tomo’s quivering hand into his own as he fumbled with the removal of Tomo’s ring, placing it on his hand before placing a tender kiss upon his ring finger once it was on.

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted Shannon” Tomo rushed out, wrapping his arms around Shannon’s neck before kissing the shit out of him right there in front of everyone. Applause and cheers could be heard from some of the other people watching the scene before them, other’s whispering and sneering but neither Tomo nor Shannon could have cared less as they continued to share a kiss full of love and devotion.

“You want to get out of here?” Shannon whispered against his soon to be husband’s ear, pulling himself up off of the floor before signaling to the waiter to bring the check. “So where do you want to go now?” He asked a few moments later as the two of them sat in the car after leaving the restaurant.

“There is someplace that I’d really like to go” Tomo blushed as he reached over and took Shannon’s hand into his own.

“You want to go home” Shannon giggled, kissing Tomo’s hand because he had to admit that he was dying to get home himself so they could share the news of their engagement with Matt and Jared, but also because he missed his daughter something fierce.

“Did you every think about us having kids when we were together?” Jared blurted out, breaking the silence that surrounded he and Matt as they sat in the living room watching TV, the baby sound asleep.

“What?” Matt choked on the sip of soda he had taken that exact moment to take.

“When we were together did you ever think about us having kids?” Jared repeated, not knowing why he was asking when he and Matt hadn’t been together in more then six years. “It’s just with all of this baby stuff going with Tomo and Shannon…it’s gotten me to wondering as to what would have happened if you and I had stayed together”

“Jared…that was a long time ago” Matt spoke up, wiping the sticky drink from his chin, his heart breaking at the look of hurt staring back at him. “Yes…” He answered despite the fact that he knew he was trudging on troublesome ground with it. “We were together for three years Jared. I thought you were the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with” He spoke truthfully, wondering why it was that Jared seemed to want to talk about their relationship now when he had refused to do it years ago before they fell apart.  
“What about you…did you ever think about having kids with me?” He asked, fearful of the answer as he waited for a smart remark or hurtful reply to add to all the other ones Jared had piled upon his heart throughout the years.

“I did…” Jared replied, with a nervous swallow, unable to believe that he was opening up old wounds, since he had avoided them like the plaque before that night.

“What?” Matt cried out, turning to face Jared as they continued to sit on the couch. “You fucking liar” He spoke vehemently under his breath as he grabbed onto a throw pillow and began to squeeze it in a vice like grip, wishing that it was Jared’s head instead. “You never wanted to have children with me. Jesus I don’t even think you wanted to be with me at the way you bulked and resisted all my attempts to move onward with our lives. So don’t fucking lie to me Leto” He got up off of the couch stalking into the kitchen for some much needed space and to catch his breath from the heart battering him from inside his chest.

“I was scared…no I was fucking petrified to move past what he had” Jared spoke up from the doorway of the kitchen after following Matt. “You wanted the white picket fences and whole nine yards and I wasn’t ready for that back then” Jared sighed as he leant against the doorframe.

“And you want that now that you see it’s possible for two men to have all of that?” Matt spat out, wanting to run away and not hear Jared’s words or his reply, but knowing that he would rather cut his own foot off then leave. “I would have given up everything to spend my life with you…as it was I gave up most of my sanity for it. Yes I wanted it all with you Jared and you just tossed it aside…nearly killing me in the process. Why now after all these years do you want to dredge this up again?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore” He sighed again, locking eyes with Matt from across the room. “I pushed you away when all I wanted to do was give you anything that you wanted. I was so fucking stupid and because of that you found love with someone else” Tears pricked Jared’s eyes as he recalled the day that Matt had informed him and the band that he was marrying his girlfriend Libby.

“Why are you telling me this now Jared?” Matt asked again, his feet moving towards the man that still held his heart captured within his talented hands, despite the fact that he didn’t know it.

“I don’t know” Jared swallowed hard once again, his hands trembling as he watched Matt moving closer and closer. “Or maybe I do because no matter how long it’s been or how hard I’ve tried to move on…I still lo…”

“Matt…Jared…where are you?” They both heard Shannon call out; breaking the moment forever as with one final glace Jared took heed and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Matt alone as he had in years gone by with his pain and his thoughts.

“So…” Jared began as the band sat around him after congratulations had been piled on Shannon and Tomo at their great news. “I think that we need to start thinking about starting to work on the new album. With everything that has been going on with you two and the baby we’ve just let it fall between the cracks…but the truth of the matter is that the record company is breathing down my neck and well…” Jared stammered, unsure of how to say what he had to say. “Well…the truth is that I have been feeling so fucking frustrated creatively that I feel as if I might explode” He blurted out, his frustration growing at the look he was receiving from Shannon, but more importantly from Tomo. “You’ve been talking about this already?” He asked, sitting down next to Matt, unable to ignore the way Matt flinched as he did before getting up altogether.

“We have…” Shannon confirmed, reaching out and taking Tomo’s hand before continuing. “We’ve pretty much decided that someone needs to be here to take care of Rose and…”

“Don’t you fucking finish that sentence” Jared snapped, jumping off of the couch himself as he began to pace frantically before them. “Neither one of you are quitting this fucking band. I’ve got some shit to take care of first…but none of you are quitting this band. That will happen over my dead body” He screamed even louder, storming out of their home, leaving all three of them gaping in his wake, the cries of Rose forcing them to look away from the closed door.

“What do you think he’s going to do?” Shannon asked Matt as Tomo ran off to tend to their child.

“With Jared who the fuck knows” Matt sighed, turning around and sitting back on the couch.

“Want to talk about it?” Shannon asked hesitantly as he sat down next to the clearly shaken man. “Did something happen tonight?”

“No…maybe…almost” Matt sighed in frustration once again as he buried his face in his hands before he got up and stood off to the side of the room. “For some reason tonight he decided that he wanted to talk about our former relationship” Matt looked over at Shannon, taking a deep breath before continuing. “He wanted to know if I ever thought about having children with him”

“You didn’t tell him yes did you?” Shannon asked, sighing in frustration at the look on Matt’s face. “Jesus Matt…I’ve been trying to get him over you for years and with answers like that it’s going to be almost impossible”

“Why?” Matt bit out a bit louder then he intended. “It was a question about the past…it isn’t like I told him that I was still in love with him. I almost kissed him tonight though” He went on, looking at Shannon. “He was being so open and honest and I found myself drawn to him in a way that I hadn’t felt in such a long time

“Oh Matt…what about Libby?” Shannon asked, feeling sorry for one of his best friends.

“What about Libby?” Matt snorted. “She’s at her mother’s house hiding out because we had another fight about having another baby”

“I thought you said that…”

“I lied” He cut Shannon off as he went and sat back down next to him on the couch.

“She’s wants to have another baby and is pissed off that I keep putting it off. I mean shit all we do is fight lately and it’s bad enough for M.J to have to deal with...do we really want to bring another kid into it?”

“I’m sorry Matt…I had no idea. I guess I’ve been so wrapped up in the baby and getting Tomo back that I didn’t even think about anyone else around me”

“You have no reason to be sorry” Matt assured. “The two of you deserve some happiness after all that you have been through…there was no need to bring you down with my own shit”

“Thanks…” Shannon smiled sadly at his friend, placing his hand upon his arm and giving it a small squeeze. “What’s going to happen now?”

“I don’t know…she’s been talking about counseling…but I don’t believe in any of that shit” Matt replied in misery, a smile breaking across his face as Tomo entered the room holding a sleepy looking baby.

“She wanted to come out and say goodnight to her uncle Mattie” Tomo grinned as he handed Rose over to Matt. “Everything ok?” He asked at the uneasiness that seemed to be weighing in on the room.

“Everything’s fine” Matt lied as he glanced at Shannon quickly before smiling down at the baby in his arms.

“So what happened out there after Jared left?” Tomo asked as he and Shannon prepared for bed hours later. “Matt looked so lost…is everything ok with him?”

“About as ok as can be” Shannon skirted the question, entering the bathroom in hopes that Tomo would forget about Matt and his problems.

“”Did something happen tonight that you’re not telling me about?” Tomo asked the moment that Shannon entered the room, lying on the bed beside him.

“No…” He spoke a half truth as he shifted forward and pinned his lover under the bulk of his body. “I don’t want to talk about any of this anymore” He teased hoping to distract Tomo with another tactic as he began to nibble upon his sensitive neck.

“You’re lucky I’m so fucking horny that I can’t see straight my soon to be husband or this distraction of yours wouldn’t work” Tomo growled in pretend as he wrapped his arms around Shannon’s neck, kissing him hungrily with no pretenses as to what he expected to happen next.

“Jesus Christ…” Shannon cried out in frustration as he slammed the phone down on the coffee table over a week later, pacing in irritation in front of Tomo and Rose, an intrigued puppy following his ever step.

“He won’t talk to you again?” Tomo asked, trying to get his daughter to eat her carrots and wearing more of them then was being eaten.

“No…he fucking talked to me but he’s being all weird again” Shannon bit back, his pacing increasing.

“Jared’s always weird” Tomo laughed, Shannon stopped his pacing to join him.

“He is…but he’s being extra special weird since the night we got engaged” Shannon began to pace again. “He barely speaks to me and refuses to let me into the house. He says he has some special project going on and he can’t be disturbed. I’m his fucking brother…he shares everything with me. What can be so fucking special that he can’t share it with me? You don’t think that he’s replaced us do you?” He stopped, turning to face Tomo with a look of deep concern upon his face. “He was pretty upset with us that night when we told him you were thinking about quitting the band”

“Baby…we never got that chance to tell him remember and despite that I think he knew…why do you think he got all crazy” Tomo reminded. “I am sure that all will revel itself soon. You know how Jared is…he likes to keep us in suspense because he lives for the dramatics. Don’t worry I am sure we will find out soon enough” Tomo smiled lovingly at his partner reassuringly before focusing his attention back to the task of feeding his stubborn daughter. “Now you…stop being like your uncle Jared and eat your carrots” He teased, trying yet again another spoonful only to wear that one as well.

As Tomo had predicted Jared revealed what had had been working on in the form of an impromptu invitation to lunch nearly two weeks later. “I know that I’ve been acting kind of funny these last few weeks…but I’ve had good reason” He began to speak as Tomo, Shannon, Rose, Libby, Matt and even Roxi sat in the living room of his home waiting for the big secret. “As I told you before I’ve been feeling a bit frustrated creatively lately and when you and Shannon hinted that one of you might be thinking of quitting…well I nearly lost it. At first I was going to fire all of you and just start from scratch” He pointed at all of them, watching the way Shannon gave Tomo a strange look of knowing. “But then I decided that I love you guys to fucking much to do that. 30 Seconds to Mars is what it is because of who we are and if one of us leaves then the whole dynamics changes. So…instead I regrouped myself and went in a whole other direction and if you follow me I’ll show you what I’ve been doing for these last few weeks” No words were spoken as everyone followed Jared down a long hallway towards his recording studio.

“Holy shit…” Tomo and Shannon cried out in shock when they each entered the room and found a whole other room off to the side. “Is that what I think it is?” Shannon spoke up, handing Rose over to Tomo as he entered the other room, finding it filled with baby furniture and accessories. “Jared you did this for us…all alone?” Shannon questioned from the room, impressed beyond belief.

“You can thank Libby for all the baby shit…I just paid the contractors to put the place together” Jared grinned, winking at a beaming Libby. “It has everything you need and get this. Here…give her to me” He said to Tomo as he reached for his niece, passing her off to Shannon as he entered the room, exiting it quickly before closing the door behind him. “Watch…” He spoke to the remaining. Picking up a drum stick next to Shannon’s kit he began to beat on one of the cymbals like a maniac, everyone covering their ears in pain, Shannon and Rose staring at them through a large window, seemingly unaffected. “Completely sound proof. The only way for them to hear anything is if you press this button” He demonstrated as he pushed it. “Shannon get your ass back in here” He laughed, as each turned their head in the direction of the speakers located in the walls. “I figure you can keep the rug rat penned up in there and any other Wachter children that might come into this world” He looked from one face to another when he received no response. “Someone say something”

“Thank you Jared” Libby was the first to speak, hugging the man she didn’t like very much quickly before stepping back with tears in her eyes. “What a truly wonderful gift”

“Yeah man…I’d kiss you if I didn’t love your brother so much and think that he might kill you and then me” Tomo laughed out loud as he lunged forward and pulled the startled man into his arms. “I can’t believe you fucking did this for us…but I thank you from the bottom of my heart”

“You never cease to amaze me bro” Shannon was next as he hugged Jared tightly while balancing his daughter in his free arm.

“Yeah…well now you lazy asses have no excuse to get back to work” He blushed, pushing them towards the door. “Now go and eat. I’ll be up in a minute” Jared watched as everyone left, surveying the room with a grin on his face at what he had accomplished, a bit of excitement growing within him at the idea of finally being able to get those creative juices flowing once again. However, he had other motives because truth be told he was so fucking lonely most days that he couldn’t stand it. He missed hanging out with the boys, but most of all he missed hanging out with his brother. With an even bigger smile upon his face, he knew that with the new nursery and the band getting back on track he wouldn’t be alone so much and that thought alone made him extremely happy.

“I can’t believe you did this” He heard a deep voice speak out behind him, startling him for a moment as he turned to face Matt.

“I should have done it sooner when M.J. was born but you know…” He swallowed nervously not able to finish his sentence as Matt slowly moved towards him. “What are you doing?” He stammered, receiving no reply as Matt grabbed onto him, pulling him flush against his body, diving in for a kiss before he could even think about what was happening.

Jared hesitated for a split second before the primal urges he had always felt for Matt overwhelmed him, his arms wrapping around his neck as he gave into the kiss he had been craving for so many years before hand. The kiss was heated and messy as each forgot about the years that had passed and the lives that laid out before them and just focused on warm and wet mouths exploring places long forgotten. In that moment Jared felt so alive and content as the kiss intensified, their bodies wrapped so tightly around each other there was no room between them. So into their kiss that they didn’t notice they were no longer alone.

Libby could only stand in the doorway in blind shock and revulsion as her husband of many years continued to kiss Jared Leto with a hungry passion that she had never even experienced before with him. Sadness and then rage consumed her as she fought the urge to separate the two kicking and scratching until they were a bloody mess, but she fought it because something told her that her already fragile marriage to Matt might finally be over if she were to allow that to happen. She loved Matt in some ways and she knew they had problems but she found that no matter what she was seeing before her, she was not willing to just roll over and let the Leto monster take away from her the man that she thought she still loved. She wasn’t one hundred percent sure anymore, but no matter what she wasn’t willing to just give up the fight.

“Wh…what was that for?” Jared asked when the kiss had to be broken for need of air.

“I figured you deserved that kiss” Matt spoke plainly, lying his forehead upon Jared’s as he stared deeply into his beautiful blue eyes.

“Matt…please” Jared begged, closing his eyes as he allowed the heat of Matt’s body to seep into his own.

“Jesus I’ve missed kissing you” Matt ignored Jared’s plea, pulling his taunt body even closer against his own before capturing his lips once again in a fiery kiss. Libby’s heart broke in that moment as those words were uttered, her determination growing before she walked off and left them alone.

“No…” Jared cried out, pushing a confused Matt away. “I can’t do this. You’re married and you have a child and…and” He moved away from Matt when he once again tried to draw him closer. “I won’t break up your marriage”

“Jared…my marriage is…” Matt tried to speak, but he was unable to finish his sentence as Jared ran from the room, leaving him alone and more confused then ever. “Fuck…” He sighed when the high from kissing Jared subsided and the true realization of what he had done hit him.

Shannon could tell that something was wrong the moment that Jared entered the room. He watched as he practically ran into the kitchen, grabbing a beer and downing it in one huge swallow, only to grab for another one a moment later. “Whoa…” He cried out before Jared could get the top off. “What the fuck bro?” He asked, ignoring the hateful eyes shot his way.

“Nothing…” Jared lied, his body going rigid and still as Matt entered the kitchen.

“Shannon can you leave Jared and I alone for a moment. I need to speak to him” Matt asked, refusing to even look at the man that he needed to speak to.

“Roxi…” Jared cried out instead as he scooped up the puppy that came running to him without hesitation. Ignoring both men, he walked out of the kitchen, taking her outside without speaking a word to either.

“What did you do Matt?” Shannon asked, already having an idea at the look of guilt plastered across the bassists face.

“Matt…we need to take M.J. home” They heard Libby cry out, as Matt ignored Shannon’s question and left the kitchen.

“Everything ok?” Tomo asked in concern after the family had left, Shannon standing in the doorway with a strange look upon his face.

“Yeah…” Shannon lied, hesitant to fill Tomo in on what happened, when he wasn’t even sure himself. “Would you mind if I crashed here tonight?” He asked, trying to play off the urgency, but knowing that he wasn’t fooling Tomo by any means.

“Jared needs you…of course” Tomo assured as he walked up to his lover, pulling him into a warm embrace before kissing him soundly. “It’s just an impossible situation between the two of them isn’t it?” He asked, as they both watched as Jared played with the puppy outside in the back yard. “I think that we should give him Roxi” He said next, stepping back at the tenseness he felt in Shannon’s body. “He’s lonely Shan…maybe Roxi can change some of that. I mean she won’t replace the love of a woman or a man…but she’ll give him some companionship and we both know that it is something he needs right now”

“Have I told you how much I love you” Shannon smiled at Tomo before pulling him back into his arms and kissing him again.

“Daily…but I don’t mind hearing it two…three or five times” Tomo giggled.

“I love you…love you…love you…love you…love you” Shannon whispered against Tomo’s ear, holding him close.

“Get a fucking room” Jared snapped as he entered the house and found his brother and Tomo acting all sappy, again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” Tomo winked knowingly, kissing his lover quickly before chasing after his wayward daughter. “Say bye-bye to daddy” He handed Rose to Shannon quickly as they said their goodbye. “Love you” He shared another kiss with the man that he loved before he and Rose took their leave.

“Tomorrow?” Jared asked, still holding the tiny puppy in his arms.

“Yeah…thought that I would crash here tonight. We haven’t spent any true brotherly time together in ages” Shannon grinned as he wrapped his arm around his brother’s neck. “So…what do you want to do tonight?”

“You really want to just hang out with me tonight?” Jared asked in astonishment, knowing that Shannon would rather spend time with his own family then with his lonely younger brother.

“What do you sound so shocked?” Shannon asked with his brow furrowed in confusion. “You’re my brother Jared and believe it or not I’ve actually miss just hanging out with you”

“Chess?” Jared smiled widely, putting the puppy down on the floor, guessing that she was staying because Shannon was.

“You are so on” Shannon laughed as he watched his little brother race for the chess board hidden in a cabinet. “I’ll get the beers”

“Whose turn is it?” Jared slurred hours later as he and Shannon sat at the table, the chess board between them with pieces strewn all over the place.

“I have no idea” Shannon giggled drunkenly. “This shit always happens” He giggled again at just how many times the two of them had started out playing a serious game of chess and after too many bottles of beer each lost interest and no winner was declared.

“Yeah…I know” Jared laughed too, getting up and shuffling into the living room, the game forgotten as he fell backwards onto the couch. “What the hell is the deal with your dog?” He questioned as Roxi jumped up on the couch after him, snuggling into his lap, eyes closed as a sigh of contentment escaped from her.

“Don’t know…she likes you for some strange reason” He joked, falling onto the couch next to Jared, scratching Roxi behind the ear in a way he knew she loved “Actually I was wondering if I could talk to you about her”

“Sure…you don’t want her on the couch?” Jared asked quickly, picking her up and placing her on the floor, each falling into a fit of laughter when she shot him a dirty look before jumping back up, taking her former place once again. “Seems she has a mind of her own”

“I don’t care if she is on the couch” Shannon smiled sadly at the puppy, hating what he was about to do but knowing that Tomo was right about Jared’s loneness. “Actually…I was hoping that you could take care of her”

“Huh?” Jared blurted out, the single word so full of hopefulness that it broke Shannon’s heart.

“Tomo and I just don’t have time to spend with her like we used to and I just don’t think that she’s getting as much love and attention as she needs. So we were wondering if you would be willing to take care of her. It’s obvious that she loves you since she won’t ever leave you alone whenever you are around and…”

“Sure…” Jared blurted out once again, a blush crossing his face as he tried to compose himself. “I mean sure…only because you’re my brother and you need me to do this” He corrected, his blush deepening because he knew he wasn’t fooling his brother.

“Thanks Jared…you have no idea how much of a relief that is” Shannon smiled for real that time, his heart still breaking at the idea of leaving the first baby brought into he and Tomo’s home. “You hear that cutie…you have a new home” Shannon spoke to the puppy in a high pitched voice. As if sensing his sadness, Roxi reached her muzzle out and licked him quickly upon his face before snuggling back into Jared’s lap. They sat in silence for a few moments, Shannon lost in thought while Jared petted the fur ball in his lap.

“He kissed me” He broke the silence when it got to be more then he could deal with.

“I know”

“He told you?”

“He didn’t have too…I could see it on both of your faces”

“I wanted it so badly Shannon. I felt as if I was whole for those brief minutes. It’s something I hadn’t felt in so long”

“I know Jared…but you know it was wrong don’t you?” Shannon knew he was lecturing, but at the same time he could understand his brother’s pain.

“Yeah…I pushed him away…but fuck if I didn’t just want to take his hand and walk away from our lives and just be together. It’s all the kept playing through my mind while we were kissing. I’ve tried to get over him Shan…I just can’t. It’s so fucking hard”

“I know Jared…but you have to. You have to move past it and find someone else”

“You don’t think that I’ve been trying?” Jared snapped. “I’ve been dating my ass off and none of them make me one tenth as happy as Matt ever did”

“You’ve been dating every young female child that you can find” Shannon reminded. “You’re not a fucking kid anymore bro…it’s time to find someone over the age of eighteen. Or maybe you should be looking for a man to share your life with rather then a woman”

“I’ll never date another man again” The singer belted out, picking up Roxi and placing her on the couch before getting up and walking out of the room, returning a few minutes later with two beers in his hand. “Matt is and always will be the love of my life…there is no other man that could ever take his place”

Shannon found he had no argument as he took the bottle Jared held before him because he felt that same way about the man he was planning to marry. “It’s a tough situation” He repeated Tomo’s earlier words. “Well you know that whatever you decide to do or who you decide to be with…I’m here for you no matter what”

“I know” Jared answered, smiling sadly at his brother as they both watched Roxi curl back into the lap she felt was hers. “I’ll take good care of her you know” He said noticing the look of sadness that crossed his brother’s face.

“I know you will” Shannon replied quickly, reaching for the remote to the television in order to add sound to the silence that once again fell over them.

“Thanks for staying Shan” Jared spoke over the din of the TV, looking at his brother quickly out of the corner of his eye, his hand stroking Roxi’s soft fur before turning his attention back towards the screen.

***Mission accomplished*** Shannon thought to himself, making himself more comfortable as he enjoyed the quality time being spent with his brother.

Six months later Tomo and Shannon joined their lives together forever in a civil ceremony as all their friends and family looked on. Four months after that the new album was released and became a critical success on the billboard charts. A year later the touring began…the concerts were sold out success where the men of 30 Seconds to Mars once again found themselves lost and overwhelmed by the love and support by their loving fans. The tour was amazing as it became a family affair with Rose and M.J. joining them whenever possible, Roxi a constant companion for Jared who brought her wherever he went. Life was good and each man was happy and mostly content with what life had handed them, all except for Matt and Jared who still harbored such deep love for each other, but since that night at Jared’s hadn’t spoken or acted on that love. Shannon and Tomo couldn’t have been happier as they relished each and every moment of their daughter’s life. From crawling to first step, to teething and the eating of solid food, they enjoyed and shared it all with the ones that they loved. With each year that passed they watched Rose Grow into a beautiful little girl, who neither could deny was the spitting image of her mother. Life was good and they were happy until life decided to throw a wrench in the works and it was one that neither could have ever foresaw, but that is for another story.

The End…


End file.
